Ready Or Not
by RatherBeAWriter
Summary: New beginnings can be exciting. But only if you want them. It's a whole other story when they're forced on you. Parker Strauss is thrown into the BAU with no say in the matter. Can she trust her new team-mates? And can she be trusted?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was my first fic and I had no idea what I was doing, but now the mistakes I made are really annoying me, so I'm just fixing a few formatting errors and straightening up a few things. If you've already read up to chapter 24 then there's no new content up until that point. Also, I rated this as M to begin with and said it might change. There is violence, references to sex and some bad language (couple of f-bombs, which I am happy to take out if people don't think they belong in a T rated fic - after reading some forums and many other fics I still couldn't find agreement on this) but it turned out that I tend to naturally end a scene before it gets graphic so I don't think the M rating is appropriate anymore. There is no smut, no sexual violence and nothing that wouldn't be shown on the average episode of Criminal Minds. Basically, it seems I couldn't write anything M rated if I tried!**

**Anyway, I hope any new readers like this and thanks to everyone already following. My OC kind of developed in my head one night after binging on Criminal Minds and it was wanting to share this story that finally turned me from a long time reader to actually creating an account and getting involved.  
**

**Let me know what you think - I love getting feedback. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Criminal Minds. This is just for fun. **

The young agent leaned against the desk in the office feeling very much like she was waiting on the headmistress at school. She'd had that feeling a lot recently. Sighing deeply she unfolded her arms and started to play with her nails, more out of boredom than nerves. After the last few weeks she doubted any telling off or disciplinary action could have any impact on her.

As the door swung open she instinctively stood up a little straighter. Section Chief Erin Strauss crossed the room; her clicking heels the only sound in the quiet office.

"Ma'am," the agent nodded, clasping her hands in front of her as her superior approached. The older woman raised her eyebrows before seating herself at the desk.

"Cut it out, Parker," she responded shortly. The agent smirked slightly as she took a seat at the other side of the desk.

"I thought I was to address you as the Section Chief at work," she smiled, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in her voice.

"Do you know the strings I've pulled to get you here?" Strauss widened her eyes at the girl.

"Well you shouldn't have," the agent replied flatly.

"And where would you have been then?" It was a rhetorical question but the agent was still angry at her sudden transfer and couldn't hold back from responding.

"Well I'd certainly not have been stuck on the other side of the country!" She sighed again and rolled her eyes, leaning back in the chair and folding her arms like a teenager. She had intended on rising above and keeping her composure but during her long flight and the wait at the office her anger and frustration had stewed to the point where she wanted to hit something.

"Staying wasn't an option," Strauss replied coolly.

"This isn't fair." She could feel the heat rising in her face and her lip quivered slightly.

"I know," Strauss agreed quietly, feeling some sympathy for the girl. It hadn't all been her fault and the last few weeks hadn't been easy on her. "But you weren't entirely blameless," she reminded her.

"I know, but..." The agent was cut off with a shake of the head.

"No buts. This is the way things are and you've got a chance to make a new start." The older woman's words caused her to splutter in disbelief.

"Seriously? A new start? Here?"

"I didn't say it would be easy."

"I'm being forced on a team that had no say in me joining them. Nobody wants me here."

"I want you here," Strauss replied. The agent looked up in surprise and Strauss gave her a small smile. "I do care about you, Parker."

"They're all going to hate me."

"You sound exactly like you did when you were twelve and transferred schools." She smiled again at the memory.

"And I was right then as well."

"Just give it a chance?" The young agent kept her eyes down and didn't respond. Strauss didn't push for an answer. "Go home and I'll see you tomorrow to introduce you to Agent Hotchner. You'll feel better after you've had some sleep." Strauss stood up to show the girl out of the office. "Goodnight, Parker." The agent considered walking away without saying anything but decided she had behaved like enough of a child as it was.

"Night, Aunt Erin," she smiled weakly, turning to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Very short chapter but will be the only one of this length.**

_What home?_ Parker thought to herself as she turned the keys in the door of the tiny apartment that she would now be living in. Her belongings, or at least what she could carry to the airport, were still in two suitcases that lay in the middle of the empty hallway. She had intended to buy some bedding on her way from the airport but her flight had been delayed, and she knew better than to keep her aunt waiting. So when she entered the apartment and kicked off her boots she searched for the warmest clothes she could find in her suitcase, hoping she would be too exhausted to notice she was sleeping on a bare mattress.

Thinking ahead to the morning, she hung a crumpled suit on the back of the bathroom door and turned on the shower in the hope the steam would act as a make shift iron. The least she could do was not look like a tramp on her first day. After she was satisfied that her clothes looked presentable she turned off the shower and changed into a hoodie and some sweatpants. Throwing herself down on the bed she pulled her winter coat over her as a blanket. She glanced at her phone as she settled down for the night and contemplated sending her mother a text to let her know she had arrived safely. But the thought that the woman might be at least a little concerned gave her a sense of satisfaction so she decided against it. It would be a while before she wanted to speak to her mother. And she doubted that she would ever forgive her.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning arrived both too quickly and too slowly for Parker. She had a restless night and didn't sleep for more than half an hour at a time. Around four o'clock she gave up on sleep and arranged her clothes in the wardrobe. She put together a go bag - knowing that it probably wouldn't be long until she was dragged to another state. Soon it was time to get ready and she showered before pulling on the reasonably crumple free suit. Gazing at her tired face in the mirror, she pulled her dark blonde hair into a ponytail. No matter how she styled her hair or applied her make-up she always felt she too closely resembled her aunt. Not that she'd have been able to hide their relationship. She had begged Erin to let her use her father's name when she joined the FBI but her aunt had assured her that there were plenty of agents with relatives who held senior ranks, and that it was better for the connection to be known from the outset. But now, more than ever, she wished she was not walking into a new job with Parker Strauss emblazoned across her security pass.

An alarm sounded on her phone at half seven, signalling that it was time to leave. She took one last look at herself in the mirror. She supposed she looked presentable. She swung her go bag over one shoulder and then hooked her handbag over her arm. Fighting every bit of her body that wanted to lie back down on the mattress, she left the apartment and flagged down a taxi.

Arriving at Quantico she forced a smile as she paid and thanked the taxi driver. Well, this was it - time for her new start. She sighed a little as she walked towards the entrance. She didn't want to be here.

/  
/

"Good, you're on time," Erin greeted her as she made her way along the corridor to her aunt's office.

"I wasn't sure where you wanted me," Parker murmured quietly, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Here's fine - I'll show you to the BAU offices." Parker simply nodded and fell into stride with the older woman. "Don't look so worried."

"Are you sure about this?" Parker asked, offering her aunt a chance to change her mind about the transfer. Before Erin could reply to her niece she spotted the man she was looking for just ahead of them in the corridor.

"Agent Hotchner," she called. The man stopped and turned towards them. Parker didn't fail to notice the way his shoulders tensed as he registered their presence. She could tell he was irritated. Great. And they hadn't even been introduced. "This is Agent Parker Strauss," Erin presented her niece.

"Sir," Parker nodded, with no hint of the cheek she had shown her aunt the day before.

"SSA Aaron Hotchner," he introduced, holding his hand out to Parker.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir," she shook his hand politely and smiled as genuinely as she could manage. He gave her a nod in response and then turned to Strauss.

"We have a case. The team are on their way in. Perhaps, Agent Strauss would be better getting settled in before she joins us." Parker looked down at the ground in an attempt to avoid making eye contact with the man, who seemed to be making no effort to disguise his dislike of her joining the team.

"She starts today. It'll be good for her to see how you work right from the start," Strauss replied in a tone that made it clear she was not discussing the matter. She rested her hand on Parker's shoulder for a second in a gesture that her niece took to be reassurance and a wish of good luck. "Keep me updated," she called as she walked away, directing the comment at Hotchner but with a look that said she wanted to know how Parker was getting on.

Ten minutes later, after a brief tour of the offices and bull pen, in which Hotchner had barely spoken to her, Parker was led into a meeting room where the rest of the team sat around the table.

"This is Agent Parker Strauss," Hotchner announced to the room. She watched their expressions change momentarily as her surname registered. "She'll be joining us as of today." He motioned towards an empty chair and she smiled at everyone as she sat down. "JJ can you go ahead and present the case, please? There will be time for introductions later." JJ stood up and brought up the first set of photos on the screen. Parker chewed her lip absent-mindedly as she tried to pay attention to what was going on around her. Despite her best efforts to focus on JJ's presentation her mind drifted back to the living hell that had been the past few weeks and the prospect of more misery which lay ahead. This was worse than any punishment she could have imagined.


	4. Chapter 4

"So you're related to Erin Strauss?" Morgan asked the question that was on everyone's mind as the team prepared to leave for the jet. Parker spun round to face him, a little taken-aback by the directness of the question from a man who was yet to introduce himself.

"Yes," she nodded. "She's my aunt." She looked around with a nervous smile to see if that answer had satisfied the man who had asked her, and the others in the room. It was clear they all wanted to know.

"I think what this lump meant to say was that his name is Derek Morgan, and that it's nice to meet you," Rossi smiled at the young agent and clipped Morgan round the ear. While Strauss wasn't always the BAU's favourite person, she wasn't all bad, and her niece couldn't have been older than her mid-twenties and looked decidedly nervous. It wasn't fair to give her such a hard time from the beginning. "I'm David Rossi, by the way," he added, extending his hand to her. She seemed to relax slightly and a genuine smile spread across her face, at least for a moment, as she shook his hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she replied. "And you, Agent Morgan," she added, in an attempt to show that she had taken no offence from his blunt approach. It was the least she could do to try not to alienate any of her new team-mates unnecessarily. Morgan gave her a nod and a small smile before excusing himself to collect his bag.

"I'm Jennifer Jareau - JJ" JJ introduced herself as she approached Parker and shook her hand. "And this is Emily Prentiss," she motioned towards Emily's desk and the dark haired woman gave Parker a wave and a smile. "And Doctor Spencer Reid." Reid stepped forward to meet the young agent. "If you'd like I can take you through to meet out tech analyst as well before we leave?"

"It's good to meet you all," Parker responded, already getting tired of this forced civility. "And yes, that would be great if you don't mind." Well, she might as well get all the awkward introductions out of the way at once.

Morgan re-joined the team in the bullpen shortly after Parker and JJ had left. He leaned on the edge of Emily's desk, where the others had congregated.

"So is anyone else going to say it or will I go ahead?" Morgan broke the silence that the team had slipped into. No one responded. "Mini Strauss," he continued. He glanced behind him to make sure neither the Section Chief, nor the young agent, were within earshot. "She's a mole, right?"

"Morgan," Hotch chastised with a raise of his eyebrows. He was too wary of someone overhearing to conduct this conversation in the middle of the open plan office.

"He's got a good point, Hotch," Emily piped up. "Did you have any input in this?"

"No, I didn't and I was only informed of her transfer yesterday." Emily took this as agreement with her and Morgan's concern. "But remember how little input I had in your transfer," he added, not wishing to unnecessarily legitimise his team's negative attitude towards their latest addition.

"And would it not be a little obvious to use her own niece?" Rossi suggested.

"Do you trust her?" Morgan asked.

"I'll reserve my judgement for now – as I would with anyone joining the team," Rossi responded both diplomatically and honestly.

"Reid, what do you think?" Morgan pressed the uncharacteristically quiet agent. Reid shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

"I'm not sure," he responded at last, wishing he at least had a more confident response. Thankfully he was saved continuing further by JJ's return.

"Where's mini-Strauss?" Morgan inquired. JJ screwed up her face with a look of disbelief.

"You're really calling her that?" she questioned.

"Well, it fits," Morgan shrugged.

"_Parker_, is just speaking to Strauss for a minute before we leave." As soon as the words had left her mouth, Morgan and Prentiss exchanged a look, which was quickly followed by a sign from Rossi. "Am I missing something?" JJ asked.

"Morgan and Prentiss think Parker is a mole," Reid supplied.

"Seriously?" JJ responded with raised eyebrows. While she had her doubts that Parker had gained a place with the BAU on merit alone, it hadn't crossed her mind that Strauss might be using her to spy on them.

"Put it this way – I'll be watching what I say around her," Emily remarked seriously, and as they set off for the jet, the extent to which they could trust their new team-mate was a question which remained in the minds of all the agents.


	5. Chapter 5

"So we have three bodies dumped in different locations, and there's no evidence that the victims knew each other. Where would be a good place to start?" Rossi asked Parker as the team sat around the tables on the jet. Parker looked up from the file she had been studiously gazing at for the past five minutes. Rossi laughed a little at her alarmed expression. "Just have a shot at it - it's the best way to learn."

"Well, you could start by checking if the victims' paths overlapped anywhere," she began hesitantly. "Since there are no links established between the victims themselves or the victims and the unsub that could be a good place to begin." She looked up to gauge his reaction to her suggestion and was relieved to see he was smiling encouragingly.

"And how would you go about that?"

"Credit card records, appointments in diaries, internet history and any similar records that we can access."

"Good," he remarked. "Have you had much experience in profiling?"

"Not very much," Parker responded quietly. She already felt highly inexperienced and knew she would never have had this position without Erin. "But I studied criminology at college and I've spent most of my career so far in the field."

"Well, you're making a good start," JJ reassured her.

"Yes, you seem like a natural," Rossi grinned. He was determined to give Parker the fairest possible opportunity to prove herself, despite the doubt surrounding her reason for being with them.

"I don't know about that," she mumbled, blushing at his praise. Rossi seemed to be making a special effort to welcome her which was a pleasant relief from the chill she felt from some members of the team. JJ was also being kind but the others had barely acknowledged her. Not that she blamed them.

"So where are you from?" JJ asked Parker as the jet fell silent again. "I'm usually good with accents but I can't place yours."

"Chicago originally," Parker answered. "But I never really stayed in one state for more than a few years."

"Derek's from Chicago too," JJ stated, hoping to prompt a response from the disinterested profiler, but her comment failed to have that effect and she found herself having to keep the conversation going. "Where were you before your transfer?"

"Arizona. I was working out of the office in Phoenix," she answered with a sad smile as she thought of the place she still considered home.

"You like the heat then?" Rossi inquired.

"I got used to it," she replied, trying to suppress a yawn. Sleep hadn't been easy to come by in the past few days and it was getting the better of her. "How long til we land?" she asked, hoping it wouldn't be long until she could get some caffeine into her system.

"About half an hour," Hotch answered from the other side of the jet. "And I'd like you to shadow Agent Jareau today. JJ, is that OK with you?"

"Sure," JJ agreed and Parker silently thanked her new boss for pairing her with someone who seemed capable of tolerating her presence.

/  
/

An hour later, after a much needed coffee, Parker felt a little better about the day. She stood outside the police precinct waiting for JJ so that they could set off to speak to the family of one of the victims. Speaking to family members had never been her favourite part of the job but it was something she was good at. Empathy and the ability to shoot as accurately as a sniper were her strengths. Or at least that's what her trainer had told her in the academy. Right before he wrote her up for disobeying his orders. Professional relationships, especially with senior agents, were something she was working on.

"Ready to go?" JJ asked, emerging from the precinct. Parker suspected she'd been getting detailed instructions on how to babysit the newbie.

"Ready," Parker smiled, discarding her empty coffee cup into a nearby trash-can. She followed JJ to the SUV, allowing her mentor-for-the-day to take the driver's seat, and it wasn't long before they were on the road.

"You know that everyone is just getting used to the idea of someone new joining, right?" JJ said, when the small talk had dried up and they had been driving in silence for a few minutes. "It's not personal," she added, slightly unconvincingly.

"What do you mean?" Parker asked, feigning ignorance. She wanted to hear from someone else that her new team-mates were being more than a little cool with her, and that it wasn't just her own paranoia and pessimism.

"I know you noticed," JJ replied, not fooled for a minute. "On the jet and in the office, some of us were a bit quiet – bordering on rude, really."

"I'm used to being the new girl; I know how it goes," Parker assured her.

"Just as long as you know that we're not going out of our way to make you feel unwelcome."

"Well, you and Rossi aren't." The words had slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them and she bit her lip to avoid saying anything else she didn't really want to say aloud.

"You have noticed then," JJ laughed. "Everyone's actually very nice but caring about each other makes us a bit over-protective of the team."

"Like when a threat like me comes along to ruin everything?" Parker asked sarcastically and immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean to say that. I haven't slept much," she explained placing her hands over her face to rub her tired eyes and hide her embarrassment.

"Maybe I should do all the talking when we get to the Miller's?" JJ suggested with a laugh

"That's probably for the best," Parker laughed back and breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't offended one of her few allies.

/  
/

Their conversation with the Miller family didn't provide them with much new information but it passed without Parker doing anything to humiliate herself or offend anyone so she felt it had been a successful trip. As they returned to the car she felt the lack of sleep creeping up on her once again. She hoped that they wouldn't have to work too late this evening but, given their lack of progress and the urgency in finding their unsub before he struck again, an early night seemed unlikely.

"Damn it!" she exclaimed suddenly as she tripped on the kerb, while crossing the street to the SUV, and dropped the files she had tucked under her arm. JJ spun round at the noise but laughed as she saw what had happened.

"You need to sleep tonight before you do some serious damage!" she grinned. Parker sighed as she bent down to pick up the papers that littered the street and JJ came closer to assist her. She was reaching for a sheet of paper that had blown a foot or so away from her when something caught her eye.

"JJ, get down!" Parker screamed as her brain processed what her eyes had just seen and her heart started thumping in her chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Pace is picking up a bit now! Give me a review and let me know what you think. x**

After so many years in the field, JJ reacted instinctively to Parker's shout and hit the ground. The first bullet flew through the space where she had been standing and embedded itself in the side of the SUV. Her hand reached for her own weapon as she crawled to the other side of their vehicle to use it as a shield. She was returning fire towards the darkly dressed figure outside of the Miller's house before her thoughts had caught up with her body.

Parker was relieved when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw JJ join her on the far side of the SUV. She had taken cover towards the front of the car and cautiously leant round the side to try and get a shot at the masked man. Despite the heavy thud of her pulse and her fast breathing, her hands were perfectly steady as she squeezed the trigger. As she ducked back behind the car she heard him let out a cry, but this was immediately followed by several erratic shots in her direction. She felt a white hot pain streak across her left arm and she cursed herself for not choosing a better position.

"Parker, are you OK?" JJ called over the gunfire, as she heard the young agent gasp and saw her slide further back behind the SUV.

"I'm fine," Parker responded. Ignoring her arm, she once more leaned around the side of the car and returned fire. Again, more bullets hit the SUV and surrounding fences and trees; some of them ricocheting noisily into other structures. Both Parker and JJ remained covered as the increasingly frantic shots continued – it was too dangerous to come out into the open while he was shooting both so unpredictably and rapidly.

And then the street fell quiet. Neither agent dared to speak. JJ signalled to Parker to remain where she was – the agent was already bleeding and JJ felt responsible for her welfare. Slowly, JJ crept around the side of the SUV. Her hands were stretched out before her with her gun firmly in her grasp and her finger ready to pull the trigger as soon as she saw danger. Seeing that the shooter was no longer outside of the Miller's house, she sprung to her feet, but was just in time to see him jumping onto a motor bike and taking off away from them. At the sound of the engine Parker also realised what was happening and quickly joined JJ in the middle of the street. The older agent had managed to fire a few shots in the direction of the bike but by the time Parker was up he was too far away for either of them to do anything.

"Shit," Parker breathed, watching the bike disappear from view. "What just happened?"

Slowly holstering her weapon, JJ ran a hand through her hair and sighed as she too watched their attacker disappear.

"I think we need to call Hotch," she said calmly, though her eyes were wide and the blood pulsed loudly in her ringing ears.

/  
/

"It's just a scratch. Really," Parker protested as JJ fussed over her arm. She was perched on the hood of the bullet ridden SUV and JJ was intent on checking that the agent she was supposed to be keeping an eye on wasn't too severely injured.

"If it's just a scratch then take your jacket off and let me see," JJ responded with an exasperated look on her face. From such a promising start it was beginning to seem like dealing with Parker had the potential to be worse than dealing with Henry. "Now," she added, placing her hand on her hip. She really did feel like she was talking to her son. Reluctantly, Parker slid her injured arm out of her jacket, wincing at the movement and the fabric brushing the wound.

"See, it's not that bad," she assessed turning her head to get a look at the damage.

"It's a bullet wound and it's bleeding," JJ remarked flatly. She shook her head. "I knew I should have radioed for paramedics." She was pretty sure this was exactly the kind of thing that Hotch didn't want Erin Strauss to be hearing about.

"I just need a first aid kit to clean it up – I'm fine," Parker assured her.

"We'll take you to a hospital once Hotch arrives," JJ informed her sternly, ignoring the younger agent's comment. There was no way on earth she was going to patch herself up. "But I'll get the first aid kit from the SUV and put a dressing over it for now."

"Fine," Parker agreed with a sigh. The adrenaline was wearing off and she was too tired and sore to argue. "I can't believe he got away," she remarked, sighing again.

"We'll find him. You got him in the shoulder so there's a chance he'll need to seek medical attention, and there should be enough firearms evidence from this scene to keep a lab busy for a week." JJ placed the first aid kit on the SUV beside Parker and opened it up. "Will you let me clean this up a little?" she asked.

"Only if you don't tell Erin," Parker replied with a humourless laugh.

"You did everything exactly like you should have," JJ reassured her as she pulled on a pair of gloves and opened packet containing an alcohol wipe. "You don't have anything to worry about." It hadn't crossed her mind that Parker would be equally anxious of anything remotely negative getting back to her aunt. She carefully wiped the blood from Parker's arm, trying not to touch the wound itself.

"Owww!" Parker winced as the alcohol brushed her raw flesh.

"Sorry, I was trying not to do that," JJ grimaced. She picked up a roll of gauze and began wrapping it around the younger agent's arm. "Does that feel OK?"

"It's fine. Thank you," Parker smiled and slid off the SUV. "I think that's Agent Hotchner here," she remarked rather unnecessarily, as another SUV sped into the street with its sirens blaring.

/  
/

"What happened?" Hotch pressed as he strode over to his agents wearing an expression that was even more serious than usual.

"A gunman appeared as we were leaving the Miller's house," JJ replied.

"The unsub?"

"I'd say it's likely. Unless the Millers have a lot of gun-wielding enemies."

"What happened to your arm?" he asked turning to Parker. JJ had left out the bit about the Section Chief's niece being injured when she called.

"It's nothing, Sir," Parker responded, standing up a little straighter. "A bullet grazed my arm but it's not too bad." Hotch turned to JJ for confirmation of Parker's assessment.

"She'll probably need a few stitches but it is just a graze," JJ agreed.

"Right," Hotch nodded. "JJ, you take Parker to the hospital and Morgan and I will stay here and canvas the neighbours."

"We don't have a car," JJ reminded him. Hotch called over one of the waiting police officers and arranged for him to drive the two agents to the nearest hospital. He instructed Parker to go with the officer but held JJ back for a moment.

"Is there anything we need to worry about?" he asked seriously.

"Hotch, you're not really buying this mole thing, are you?" she replied. He didn't respond to her question.

"Did anything happen that shouldn't have?" he pressed.

"No, we both acted by the book," JJ assured him.

"Good," he nodded but his expression remained severe. "Call me when you're finished at the hospital."


	7. Chapter 7

"OK then Agent, I hope you take this the right way but I'd rather not see you again," the doctor said with a grin as he walked Parker out to the waiting area. She forced a smile in return. She'd heard that quip from quite a few ER doctors. "Just make sure you keep the wound…"

"Clean and dry until the stitches come out. And yes I'll remember to take the full course of antibiotics," Parker filled in. It was a routine she was familiar with.

"And don't forget you have a week's supply of painkillers," he added. "I know you're tough, but you were shot." She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and simply thanked him and headed towards JJ.

"Sorry about the wait," she apologised as she approached her colleague. "The doctor seemed intent on making my stitches a work of art!"

"It's fine. How are you doing?" JJ asked.

"I told you – I'm fine," Parker repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

"It's OK if you're not. That was pretty scary out there," JJ continued.

"This isn't my first time in the field," Parker retorted, a little more sharply than intended. JJ pursed her lips and nodded.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…"

"No, I'm sorry," Parker shook her head. "You're just looking out for me and I'm just being cranky."

"Morgan's on his way so we'll be back at the hotel soon. Hotch wants us both to take it easy tonight," JJ informed her, to avoid an uneasy silence.

"I'm not going to argue with that," Parker yawned.

"Me neither," JJ agreed. It had turned out to be a long day. "By the way, I haven't thanked you."

"For what?"

"I didn't see him until you shouted and he was aiming right at me. You probably saved my life," JJ explained sincerely.

"Well I was hardly going to keep it to myself," Parker remarked, brushing off JJ's thanks. "And it was my fault we were still in the street."

"You still stopped me getting shot," JJ stressed. She really was grateful and dreaded to think what could have happened if she'd been accompanied by someone less attentive or with slower reflexes.

/  
/

Half an hour later Morgan appeared in the quiet ER to collect his colleagues. His eyes darted past JJ, who was reading the latest information Garcia had provided on her tablet, to Parker, who had fallen asleep stretched across several seats. While he was still wary of the young agent, it always shook him when one of their own was hurt.

"Hey, Morgan," JJ greeted him, looking up from her tablet.

"Are you guys ready to go?" he asked, his eyes lingering on Parker's sleeping form. JJ nodded.

"Parker," she called gently, lightly shaking the agent's outstretched leg to rouse her from her remarkably deep sleep.

"Mmmmph," Parker groaned sleepily, but slowly opened her eyes as she remembered where she was. Forgetting her injury, she used her left arm to pull herself upright and immediately winced and let out a small moan.

"Are you OK?" JJ asked, quickly standing up to help her. Parker nodded as she tried to block out the newly intensified throbbing.

"It was still numb before I fell asleep," she explained. "It's not now." Both JJ and Morgan smiled sympathetically.

"Have you got painkillers you can take?" Morgan asked. Mole or not he didn't want to see her in pain. Parker nodded again.

"But they'll make me drowsy."

"Good job you're not operating any heavy machinery tonight then," Morgan quipped with a cheeky grin. Parker shook her head.

"I don't want to be out of it when we're on a case. I'll just get some ice when we get to the hotel."

"Parker, take a painkiller," JJ instructed in the same firm but kind tone she had used earlier. "You're not working tonight and we can keep an eye on you." She could understand Parker's desire to stay in control but she could also see the younger agent's pain.

"OK," Parker agreed reluctantly.

"Do you need a soda? Or some water?" Morgan asked, already starting towards the vending machine.

"Thanks, either would be good," she replied, surprised by his helpfulness. Perhaps she'd been too quick to judge Morgan. He returned with a bottle and Parker quickly swallowed two of the tablets she had been prescribed.

"Ready to go?" Morgan asked while JJ hovered protectively around Parker as she stood up. Parker nodded and as they headed out to the SUV, she felt glad that there was the possibility of proper sleep in her near future.

/  
/

"So what's she like then?" Morgan asked, as they drove along the dark and quiet roads.

"Derek," JJ chastised, glancing back to Parker. From the moonlight that lit up the otherwise dark vehicle, JJ could see that the young agent was fast asleep but it still didn't seem right to be having this conversation in her presence.

"She's out for the count. I just want to know what you think of her."

"She seems nice," JJ replied reluctantly.

"Nice?" Morgan pressed for more detailed information.

"She's sweet. Stubborn – so you have that in common with her – but she seems easy to get along with." JJ watched Parker in the rear view mirror for any sign that she might be awake.

"No suspicious calls back to Strauss then?" he asked with a slight grin. JJ didn't dignify his question with an answer.

"She probably saved my life today."

"Seriously?" His eyes momentarily left the road so he could look JJ in the eye.

"Yeah, I didn't even see the gunman." Morgan couldn't think of an appropriate response. "You should give her a chance," JJ continued.

"I will. It's just…" he paused to think of the right words. "You have to admit there's something off with her transfer. She's so young and has hardly any experience of our kind of work."

"She's here to learn," JJ pointed out.

"Even so, it was so sudden and unexpected. It's not that I don't want to trust her but…" his sentence trailed off and hung in the air between them.

"I know," JJ stated. "Hotch feels the same."

"And you?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "But either way, we have nothing to hide from Strauss." Silence fell over the vehicle as Morgan contemplated JJ's statement. He hoped she was right.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the follows/favourite! ****They definitely motivated me to write this chapter which I was totally stuck on. I love escaping to my little fanfic bubble so I hope you enjoy this one. x**

Two days later, the team were closing in on the unsub. They had identified a local man who fitted their profile and matched the vague description of height and hair colour that JJ and Parker had managed to provide. Parker had spent the two days relegated to the precinct with varying combinations of babysitters. Today she was staying with Reid while the others searched the homes of relatives of the suspect. Bored, and unsure what she was meant to be doing to contribute to the investigation, she watched the profiler as his eyes flicked quickly over the pages of the files in front of him.

"You read quickly," she remarked when Spencer became aware of her staring and glanced over. He gave her an awkward smile and nodded. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you," she added.

"You didn't. I've actually just come to the end of this file. Do you need anything? Coffee?" he asked. Truthfully, he'd already memorised all the files that lay before him on the table, but he found that re-reading them was easier than trying to make small talk with the new agent. It was the first time he had been alone with Parker and Hotch's warning to watch what he said in front of her made him more anxious than usual about making conversation.

"You're busy. I can get us some coffee. It's not like I'm doing anything useful anyway." Parker quickly got up from her seat and headed for the coffee machine. "I would suggest that I went out to get real coffee from a shop down the street," she commented as she pressed a button and watched the dark brown liquid splutter into a paper cup. "But I suspect Agent Hotchner was being deadly serious when he told me not to leave the precinct." She removed the cup and placed it on the counter before pressing the button again. "Do you take sugar?"

"Yes, I do," Reid replied, joining her at the counter and picking up the cup. He proceeded to tip several heaped spoonfuls of sugar into the cup.

"I can see that," she laughed.

"Haven't slept much," he mumbled.

"I suppose not all of us have had the luxury of eight hours of painkiller induced unconsciousness," she joked, sensing his increased awkwardness.

"How is your arm?" Spencer asked as he took a sip of his coffee. "You looked like you were in pain earlier."

"It's fine," she shrugged. "Hurts a bit, but I guess that's to be expected."

"You were lucky that the bullet didn't damage any major blood vessels or motor nerves. Or hit your shoulder. You would have had a much longer recovery if there had been damage to the humeral head, scapula or…" he trailed off as he became aware of the grin spreading across Parker's face. "What?" he puzzled.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head and lifting the coffee cup to her mouth to hide her expression.

"I can still see you smirking," Reid informed her. She moved the cup away and laughed.

"It's just that that's the most you've said to me all afternoon!"

"Sorry," Reid replied quietly, blushing slightly and staring down at his feet.

"No, no - that wasn't a criticism," Parker quickly assured him. "I just thought it was funny that you suddenly had so much to say on such a specific topic. You're not a medical doctor, are you?"

"No, but I have an eidetic memory and read a lot," he explained.

"About gunshot wounds?" she questioned, with a teasing smile.

"I've read a few books on gunshot injuries," he replied.

"Good to know. I think," she laughed. She wandered over to the window and gazed out at the pouring rain. "It'll take a while to get used to all this changing weather again. I was in Phoenix too long," she sighed.

"What made you move?" Reid asked the question that the others had so far avoided.

"Stuff," she said with a non-committal shrug. "Things got a bit out of hand at work, and personally, and then Erin offered me a transfer. I always had an interest in behavioural analysis as well. So here I am." While she certainly hadn't given Reid the details behind her move, it surprised her that she had even told him that much. There was something about the socially awkward young profiler that caused her to let down her guard a little. She liked him. Maybe it was because he hadn't adopted either extreme of practically ignoring her, or asking her question after question about herself. Or maybe after three days of forced smiles it was nice to have a normal conversation. Her mind drifted back to how happy she had been only a month ago.

"I didn't mean to pry," Reid apologised when Parker remained quietly staring out the window.

"You didn't – I was just thinking." She turned back towards him with ghost of a sad smile still playing on her lips. Reid nodded in understanding as he read her expression.

"If you're ever homesick or need to talk, well… Well, I know JJ and Rossi are probably better at it but I do know a few things about being new. And about being the youngest and…"

"Thanks, Spencer," she smiled. With another awkward smile he returned to his position at the table and picked up the first piece of paper to hand. Parker turned back to watching the rain, as thoughts of Phoenix floated through her head. How had everything gone so wrong?

Moments later her phone buzzed in her pocket, interrupting her thoughts. She pulled it out and was surprised by the name illuminated on the screen. She knew she couldn't take this call. Not now. Not here. Rejecting the call she slipped the phone back into her pocket. Almost immediately, it started to buzz again and she repeated the action. Thankfully, the caller gave up.

From across the room, Spencer watched Parker's demeanour change as she silenced the two calls. He noted the shock the flickered across her face when she first saw the display and then her unease as it rang again. Even after she returned to watching out the window, she nervously drummed her fingers along the sill. Something had definitely spooked her.


	9. Chapter 9

The team returned to Quantico the following day after a successful arrest and interrogation of their suspect. They arrived at the office in the early evening and plans were soon made to go out for a few drinks and make the most of an evening off.

"Are you joining us, Parker?" Rossi asked as they prepared to head out. She smiled, happy to have been included.

"Sure – as long as I'm not intruding," she replied.

"Of course not. And we need to properly welcome you to the team," he grinned.

"Baby girl, you coming for drinks?" Morgan called as Garcia appeared in the bullpen.

"Of course I am, hot stuff," she responded. Then she turned to Parker. "Strauss asked me to tell you to see her in her office as soon as you got back." Parker's smile faded.

"Do you know what she wants to see me about?" she asked hopefully.

"Sorry sweetie, she just asked me to pass that message along."

"I'm sure she just wants to make sure you're OK," JJ assured the young agent at the sight of her worried face. "You're her niece and you got shot – it makes sense that she wants to see you."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Parker agreed but remained unconvinced. "I'll meet you at the bar later." And with that she set off to see what Erin Strauss so urgently required.

/  
/

Parker knocked on the glass door and waited anxiously for a response. Logically, she knew she'd done nothing wrong but if all her aunt had wanted was to check up on her, surely she could have sent a text rather than a summons to her office.

"Come in," Strauss's voice called.

"You wanted to see me?" Parker said apprehensively as she stepped into the office and closed the door behind her.

"Yes," Erin smiled broadly, adjusting her glasses on her nose. "How was the case?"

"It was fine," Parker replied, hovering by the door rather than sitting down.

"Come and sit down, Parker. I want to talk to you." She motioned to a chair and Parker did as she was told, though her eyes didn't leave her aunt's face.

"As my aunt or my boss?" she questioned suspiciously.

"I heard you and Agent Jareau were involved in a shoot-out. You were hurt?" Strauss deflected.

"I'm fine. Now, do you want to speak to me as my aunt or my boss?" Parker repeated.

"That doesn't matter. I have a favour to ask of you." Parker felt her heart sink – she didn't like the sound of this.

"What kind of favour?"

"It's really part of the reason I thought it would be good for you to be here," Erin began.

"What do you want me to do?" Parker demanded, her impatience growing.

"There have been some concerns raised about the BAU, particularly surrounding Agent Hotchner's leadership and…"

"No," Parker cut her off, shaking her head.

"Let me finish," Erin persisted with a stern edge working its way into her tone.

"I know what you're going to say and I'm saying no," Parker stated firmly. She stood up and turned to leave.

"Agent Strauss, sit down!" Erin demanded, raising her voice for the first time since Parker entered the office. Parker remained on her feet.

"Oh, so it's Agent Strauss now?" she retorted with a huff.

"If you want to play it that way then yes, it is. Now, sit." With some reluctance Parker slid back into her seat.

"I'm not going to spy on them," she stated indignantly.

"It's not spying. I just need someone to carry out the kind of on the job assessment that I can't do myself. You'll still be training to become a profiler but I'd like you to feed back to me at the end of every week. I need to know if my concerns are well founded," she explained calmly.

"And if I refuse?"

"This isn't optional."

"I won't do it."

"It's the only option you have. Don't forget the circumstances of your transfer," Erin reminded her. Parker felt the anger swell inside her at her aunt's words. "Whether you consider yourself my niece or my agent, you wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for what I've done for you."

"I'm truly grateful for this job," Parker began carefully, taking slow, measured breaths. "But I can't do what you're asking of me."

"I'm sorry, but you don't have a choice. The conditions I made for your transfer involved the agreement that you would provide feedback on the effectiveness and efficiency of the BAU as it is currently structured. Given the circumstances, did you really think there wouldn't be conditions attached?" Erin asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Given the circumstances?" Parker exploded, getting to her feet. "You don't know the half of what the "circumstances" are!"

"Oh, I think I do!" Erin responded, matching the volume of her niece's outburst. "Do you think I was proud when I heard you'd been sleeping with a married man? And not just any married man, but a senior agent who was under investigation from internal affairs! You are lucky you have any shred of a career left after getting yourself mixed up in all of that!"

"Do you honestly believe that's the whole story?" Parker yelled back. "And I know you feel like you're top of the food chain here but there are plenty of people above you. The "circumstances" of my transfer go well above your pay grade!"

"Then they are most definitely well above yours!" Erin retorted angrily. "You disgraced yourself in your last position and I have provided you with an out! Now I am giving you an order and the only response I want to hear is "yes ma'am"! Do you understand?"

Hot tears spilled from Parker's eyes as her aunt's words echoed around the room. She knew her "fresh start" was too good to be true. Yes, she had screwed up in Phoenix; she didn't deny that she had made mistakes, but so much had happened that Erin didn't know about. So much had happened that she could never tell anyone about. And this job was the only thing she had left…

"Now, will you do as I've asked you?" Strauss asked in a more controlled voice. Parker blinked back the tears in her eyes and wiped away the moisture that had escaped onto her cheeks with her sleeve.

"Yes, ma'am," she whispered.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you again for the favs/follows/review. It's so encouraging to get feedback! Lots of dialogue coming up with a bit more of Parker's back story. Hope you like it x**

"I'm just saying, it can't be easy having your aunt as your boss," JJ said to Emily, over the music and chatter of the bar.

"I didn't say it was. But it makes getting the job a whole lot easier," Emily replied, taking a sip of her drink.

"Oh, come on! You're not still going on about Parker, are you?" Morgan exclaimed, returning to the table with another tray of drinks.

"I was just pointing out that it can't be much fun having a relative able to call you to her office on a whim like that," JJ explained.

"You know she's like law-enforcement inbred," Garcia piped up.

"What do you mean?" Rossi asked.

"Well, she's got Strauss in the FBI and her dad's some kind of hot-shot attorney. And her mom's CIA. Not that you'd know from her behaviour growing up – chucked out of two different high schools and…" Garcia's hand immediately flew to her mouth as she realised she probably shouldn't have revealed that she'd been doing some rather extensive background reading on their latest recruit.

"I don't even want to know how you found that out," Hotch responded with a shake of his head. The others laughed and Gracia turned her attention to her extensively decorated cocktail.

"That'll be our former juvenile delinquent now," JJ grinned, as her cellphone buzzed and she saw Parker's name flash up on the screen.

"Is she on her way?" Rossi asked.

"No," JJ frowned. "She says she's sorry but she just wants to get settled into her apartment tonight."

"Well, she has just moved here – she's probably got a lot to do," Morgan remarked.

"Yeah, you're probably right," JJ smiled, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling that something was wrong. "I just hope she's OK."

/  
/

After texting JJ, Parker headed home, stopping at a 24 hour convenience store for some food, beer and a few blankets for her still bare mattress. She made a mental note to take a proper shopping trip the next day. On returning to her apartment she was greeted by a small, brown package on her doormat. She sat down her bags and crouched down to peer at the familiar penmanship on the front. If anyone had her new address already it would be him.

Parker placed the package on the kitchen counter and found an abandoned bottle opener in one of the drawers. She pulled the top off of a bottle of beer and took a long drink as she examined the scrawl of handwriting once again. Just her name; no address – so it must have been hand-delivered. But she knew the writer couldn't be in Virginia. She took another swig before setting down her bottle and picking up the package. Carefully, she unsealed one end and glanced inside to see a cellphone and a scrap of paper. _Take a walk and call me, _the paper read, in the same barely legible black ink. She wondered if it had been delivered before he had tried to contact her on her existing cell.

An hour later, after walking aimlessly around the area surrounding her apartment, Parker found herself perched on the edge of a fountain in a largely deserted park. She slipped the cellphone from her pocket and turned it on. As she expected, it was programmed with one unfamiliar number. For a moment she contemplated throwing it into the water – this was all supposed to be in her past. But then she thought of the empty apartment that waited for her, and of the countless lonely nights that lay ahead. And her finger pressed call before she could give the matter anymore thought.

"I knew you'd call eventually," the gravelly voice answered. She could practically see the teasing smirk on his lips.

"Hi," she breathed as the corners of her own mouth curled up. "A burner phone in a mysterious package– nice touch," she remarked. "You really shouldn't be calling me. And you took a risk calling me before."

"You called me." Her mind pictured another smirk. "And I was worried something had happened when the package had been delivered and you hadn't called."

"I was out of town on a case," she explained.

"Oh yes, I forgot the BAU was a travelling show," he laughed.

"Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. Still a free man," he laughed lightly. "How are you?"

"I'm OK," she answered, a little too cheerfully to be convincing.

"I don't believe that. But you're better off at Quantico."

"I know Erin was involved, but did you have something to do with that?"

"I still have a few connections. Your mother had some input as well." The mention of her mother prompted nothing but silence from Parker. "She regrets what she did."

"Is Marie staying?" Parker asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Yes," he responded quietly; almost apologetically.

"It's OK – she's your wife. Is she safe?"

"She's already been interviewed and I've got someone watching her when I'm not around."

"Good. Has he tried anything else?"

"Not to my knowledge. He's been keeping a low profile since…" he trailed off.

"Since my mother covered up his penchant for enhanced interrogation?" Parker suggested dryly. She heard him sigh heavily.

"If I'd known he'd do that…"

"No one knew he had the resources or connections to get away with that."

"As soon as I find enough evidence, we'll get the corrupt bastard and we'll bring down his whole network. Parker, I promise you that what he did will come out. And everyone that was involved will get what's coming to them."

"I'm not that naïve," she sighed. "We both know you'll never get any higher up the chain than him. And even that's looking increasingly unlikely."

"He hurt you!" His raised voice distorted over the line.

"But I'm OK," Parker reassured him. "Promise me you're not going to do anything stupid."

"Parker…"

"Promise me," she repeated. "He's not worth it."

"I promise," he replied softly after a long pause. Parker heard another voice somewhere in the background.

"Do you have to go?" she asked. The silence that followed gave her the answer.

"I miss you," he whispered when the coast was clear.

"I miss you too," she replied, despite every bit of her that wanted to tell him otherwise.

"Keep your head down and watch your back, Parker. This will be over soon."

"Are you going to contact me again?" she asked, fearing she already knew the answer.

"No, I just wanted to say goodbye," he responded sadly.

"See you around," she said, using all her strength to remain upbeat. She'd already cried enough for one night.


	11. Chapter 11

Spencer Reid did not appreciate it when his colleagues interfered in his personal life. More specifically, he didn't appreciate it when Derek Morgan deemed him incapable of finding himself a date. Especially, when that resulted in him spending an evening of his already limited free time with a girl of Derek's choosing. This particular set up involved a twenty-something school teacher that Derek's sister knew from college and Spencer was already bored.

"So where do you want to go now, Spence?" his companion for the evening asked, hanging off his arm as they left the restaurant.

"Well, it's getting late and…" He had nothing in common with this girl and was desperately trying to find a polite excuse to go home.

"Come on, Spence!" she laughed. "I was promised a good time. How about this bar?" she suggested, dragging him through the doorway. "You'll enjoy yourself after a few drinks!"

/  
/

A couple of months had passed uneventfully for Parker and she fell into a steady routine. She worked cases with the team and was helpful and obedient and laughed when Morgan and Rossi told terrible jokes. Sometimes she joined them for a game of cards or a drink. And sometimes she listened to her ipod or pretended to be engrossed in a book so that she didn't have to pretend to be part of the group. Then at the end of the week she'd spend several hours in Erin's office. She'd answer questions about who had made what decision, and about whether Hotch had supervised her properly and whether protocols had been followed to the letter. And then she'd reluctantly sign her name to the reports and leave without another word.

After her meetings with her aunt, Parker liked to run. She'd run until her legs ached and she felt so weak that she might pass out. And then she'd shower and put on a short skirt and hit a bar. For those few hours when she was high on the endorphins from her run, and her senses were dulled by the alcohol, she could forget everything else. She'd dance with strangers and let them buy her drinks and sometimes she'd let them take her home. It was cheap and dirty and in the morning she'd head back to her apartment and stand under the shower until the water ran cold.

And then JJ would call her to tell her they had a case, or Hotch would find her some paperwork to assist with, and the cycle would start all over again.

Tonight, Parker was drinking in what had become a favourite bar of hers. She perched on a stool, laughing at something a pretentious corporate lawyer, by the name of Daniel, had said. Daniel was out of his mind on coke. At least she had some limits. He ordered them another two shots of tequila after his return from a prolonged trip to the bathroom.

"You sure you don't want to join me?" he whispered as his lips brushed her neck. He pointed to the pocket of his suit jacket. "There's plenty to go around," he grinned.

"I'll stick to the tequila," she answered, keeping her tone light and playful. She picked up the shot glass that rested on the bar and downed the liquid in one. Daniel kissed her forcefully on the lips before doing the same.

"Two more, please," he called to the barman. The barman considered denying him service – he could see that the woman was already drunk and he was pretty sure that the man was on something. But the bar was busy and he didn't want to deal with the trouble that would most likely ensue, so he poured another two shots and set them down on the counter.

"To beautiful women," Daniel toasted, causing Parker to giggle, before they downed their shots and the lawyer let his hands drift over his companion's thighs.

/  
/

The first thing Spencer noticed about the bar was the noise. It was unbearably loud. The music blared from the speakers and the efforts of the patrons to be heard only added to the volume.

"It's very busy," he remarked to his date as she pulled him across the crowded room.

"It's a Friday night!" she laughed, moving effortlessly between the clusters of people while Spencer awkwardly bumped into everyone in his path. "Seriously, Spence, Derek said you were fun!" He didn't know how to respond to that.

As they approached the bar, a familiar voice caught Spencer's attention.

"Parker?" he exclaimed as he caught sight of his colleague leaning up against a man he'd never seen before.

"Spencer!" she called enthusiastically and slid out of the grip of the evidently disgruntled man. She threw her arms around Reid and he instantly smelled the strong scent of alcohol on her breath. "What are you doing here?" she asked, stumbling slightly as she pulled away from him. "Oh, you're on a date!" she grinned as she noticed the girl.

"Parker, come back over here," Daniel demanded, annoyed that she had left him.

"Come and meet Spencer and his date!" Parker replied with a laugh. Daniel crossed the few feet between them and grabbed Parker roughly by the arm.

"I think we should move on somewhere else now." Retaining a firm grip of her wrist he tried to pull her towards the door.

"No, I want to stay here," she resisted.

"Now!" he demanded, pulling harder on her arm.

"Oww! You're hurting me!" She pulled free of his grip and rubbed her wrist with her other hand. Spencer instinctively put himself between them, before he thought about what he was doing.

"She said she wants to stay here," he told the increasingly angry man. "I think you should leave." His sudden assertiveness surprised both Parker and his date. Daniel considered retaliating but backed away.

"Have her," he called. "She's a little slut anyway!" He glared at Parker with disgust before he turned to leave.

"Are you OK?" Reid asked, approaching Parker. She nodded but the room was spinning and she suddenly felt nauseous. "You look like you need some fresh air," he commented. "Come on and I'll take you outside." His arm hovered above her shoulders as he tried to navigate his way through the crowd. He turned back to see that his date wasn't following them.

"You two go ahead. I'll get the barman to call me a taxi," she informed him, as she mentally marked her evening down as one of the least successful dates of all time.

/  
/

Reid didn't know what to do with himself as Parker threw up in the alley beside the bar. He stood a few feet away from her, looking away and trying to ignore the sounds of retching.

"Are you all right?" he called, screwing up his face as she vomited again.

Parker wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and cringed at the thought of Reid seeing her in this state. Though her head was still spinning and she was far from sober, she was becoming more aware what had happened.

"I'm fine," she called, as she straightened herself up and stumbled back towards Spencer. "Thank you so much for helping me out but I'll be OK on my own now," she slurred.

"I don't think I should leave you," he frowned. "Let me call JJ to come and get you. She'll know what to do. Or is there anyone else I can call?" It wasn't that he didn't know how to look after an intoxicated person, but he was unsure about taking responsibility for his young colleague.

"No, no, please don't call anyone!" she pleaded. "I don't want anyone to see me like this. Please, Spencer." She stumbled again and swayed towards him. He extended his arm to steady her.

"You're really cold," he remarked as his hand touched her shoulder. He quickly pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "If I'm not calling anyone then I really need to get you home," he thought aloud. 

**A/N: Should point out that I am not planning on pairing Spencer and Parker! I just think Spencer would be a pretty adorable knight in shining armour! **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Bit of a gap in updating. Been super busy finishing up finals but now I'm free to indulge in writing! Took me a while to decide whether to include this bit or skip forward but my love of Reid won in the end! x**

Negotiating the stairs to Parker's apartment proved to be more difficult than Reid had anticipated. His young colleague was barely managing to stay conscious, let alone on her feet. Her head lay heavily against his chest as held her up and willed her legs to move up the steps. By the time they reached the second landing he realised there was no way she was going to make it up the last flight of stairs under her own steam.

"Parker, I'm… I'm going to pick you up, OK?" he explained anxiously, trying to work out the easiest way to lift her. She didn't respond other than by tightening the grip of her arms around his neck. He slipped one arm under her knees and lifted her up with surprising ease. He slowly made his way up the last of the stairs and stopped outside her apartment. "Where are your keys?" he asked. She nodded in the direction of her purse, which hung over his shoulder. "I'm just going to put you down while I open the door." She seemed to become a little more alert as her bare feet touched the hard ground.

"Thank you," she said quietly, as he used one arm to support her and opened the door. "You're a good man, Spencer." She attempted to step away from him into the apartment but he kept his arm protectively wrapped around her shoulder.

"I don't think you should be on your own," Spencer frowned as he guided her into the hallway, closing the door behind them.

"I'm OK. You should go home," she tried to reassure him, as she moved away from his reach and headed towards her bedroom. After a few steps she stumbled into a table and fell to her knees.

"Just let me help you get to bed," Reid suggested as he helped her to her feet. She nodded in agreement and it wasn't long before she collapsed on top of the duvet. He rolled her onto her side and slipped off her shoes, trying to make her as comfortable and safe as possible, and then pulled the comforter from the bottom of the bed and draped it over her.

"You should just have left me," she mumbled sleepily. "You shouldn't get involved. I'm not worth it."

/  
/

The next morning Parker woke with a dry mouth and a pounding headache. She opened her eyes, groaning at the bright sunlight which shone through her open curtains. As she blinked and let her eyes adjust to the light she became aware of a glass of water and a couple of Tylenol sitting on the nightstand. She tried to remember what had happened the night before and how she had ended up back at home. Who had she been with? There was a guy at the bar but she hadn't left with him…

"Spencer," she gasped, sitting bolt upright at the hazy memory of her colleague putting her to bed.

After pulling an oversized sweatshirt over the previous night's dress, she ventured out to the living room, where she could hear someone moving around.

"Morning," she croaked, at the sight of a slightly dishevelled looking Spencer Reid.

"Good morning," he smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Embarrassed," she groaned, rubbing her eyes. "I'm so sorry…"

"It's fine," he assured her. "I'm just glad I was there. You were…" he trailed off trying to find the right word.

"Wasted?" she supplied, cringing once more. "Did you sleep on the sofa?"

"I didn't think you should be on your own," he explained. In truth, Spencer hadn't done much sleeping at all. He had spent most of the night with his mind running over the number of ways that excessive drinking could lead to death. This led to him getting up several times to check that she was still breathing. And then, once he had reassured himself that she was still alive, his mind began to play out all the things that could have happened to her if the wrong man had taken her home.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated. "Do you want some coffee? I would offer you breakfast but I don't think I have any food," she admitted.

"I should probably get home." He declined her offer and watched her cross the room to the kitchen area and fill the kettle to make herself a coffee. "Parker, is everything all right?" he asked, making the decision to voice his concerns. "It's just, the way you were behaving last night was worrying and the way you spoke about yourself…"

"I'm OK," she replied forcefully. "We have a difficult job; I just like to let my hair down sometimes," she shrugged off his concern. He was unconvinced and she could tell that he wanted to dig deeper. She spooned instant coffee from the jar into a mug and filled it up from the kettle. "Look, I really want to take a shower, but just make yourself at home and let yourself out if you want to leave." She abandoned the coffee on the counter and headed towards the door. "Thanks again. I really appreciate everything you did for me," she added as she left the room.

By the time Parker showered, Reid had already left. She picked up the now lukewarm cup of coffee and took a drink, feeling another wave of embarrassment as she thought about the previous night. She knew she'd been rude to Spencer by all but sending him away, but she also knew she couldn't allow anyone to get close. The only way she could do this job was to keep her distance.


	13. Chapter 13

Parker was distributing files in the conference room when Reid approached her, clearing his throat to let her know he was there. They hadn't spoken since he left her apartment on the Saturday morning and it was now Monday.

"Hey," she greeted him, with a slight awkwardness, as she turned around.

"Hi," he replied. "You're in early."

"I told JJ I'd set up this morning. She has to drop Henry at pre-school."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?" she responded with a careful smile.

"Parker, I want to talk to you about Friday." He skipped straight to the purpose of the conversation.

"I'd rather not," she muttered dryly.

"Well, I think it's something you need to talk about. I'm worried about you and I've been doing some research," he began.

"Research?" she questioned, the remains of her smile slipping from her face.

"Yes, I've read several studies and there are some which suggest that tendencies towards addiction run in families. I know that Strauss has had problems with alcohol in the past and obviously you're not a direct descendant but…"

"I don't have a problem," Parker replied sharply.

"I'm not saying that you do, but your behaviour is concerning and I just wanted to let you know that if you were having problems, I'm here and I can help you."

"I'm not like Erin," she stated flatly with a shake of her head.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Spencer continued, only succeeding in provoking her further.

"Spencer, I had a rough week, I went for a few drinks to let my hair down and I ended up getting drunk. It happens and it does not mean that I'm an alcoholic." She threw the last of the files down on the desk.

"I didn't mean to offend you – I'm sorry if I have," Spencer offered.

"Don't be sorry. Just… Just stop interfering," she muttered, shaking her head as she stormed past him and left the room. While she was glad that even her most intelligent team-mate was far from discovering what was really causing her problems, she would rather not face accusations of alcoholism. If only Reid, and the others, would back off and leave her alone.

/  
/

Parker continued angrily across the bullpen, accidentally barging into Hotch, in her desire to get away from Reid, and his excessive concern for her private life, as quickly as possible.

"Parker," Hotch called after her. "Agent Strauss!" He raised his voice when she ignored him.

"Sir!" she responded somewhat aggressively and spun round to face him. He raised his eyebrows at her tone. "I'm sorry, sir," she softened. "Is there anything I can do?" She struggled to remove every trace of cheek from her voice.

"Is everything OK?" he asked.

"Everything is fine, thank you," she responded, plastering a sweet smile across her face, which only added to the appearance of insolence. He raised his eyebrows once again. Without thinking she rolled her eyes and earned herself a stern glare.

"Would you perhaps like to go somewhere to cool off and then try this conversation again?" he suggested.

"Yes, sir," she replied, this time managing to sound sincere. "Sorry, sir," she added as she turned away and decided to take his advice.

/  
/

Hotch's next encounter of the day was with a distracted Spencer Reid. The young profiler was sitting in the conference room, getting a very unnecessary head start on reading the files which Parker had distributed.

"Good morning, Reid," Hotch greeted his team-mate. He was met with silence. "Reid?"

"Sorry?" Reid responded, having noticed his boss was in the room but not having heard what he said.

"I just said good morning," Hotch responded with a confused frown. What had got into everyone? "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine," Reid replied, though it seemed his head was elsewhere.

"Did something happen with Parker?" Hotch adopted a more direct approach. He had seen that Parker had been in the conference room prior to bumping into him.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you're acting oddly and she seemed angry," Hotch explained.

"We had a small disagreement," Reid admitted but gave no further details. "It won't be a problem."

"Make sure that it isn't," Hotch advised. He didn't think he could handle a day dealing with feuding colleagues.

/  
/

Parker found herself on the firing range to cool off. With her ear protectors on, and happily oblivious to the rest of the world, she emptied her clip into a target. She was filled with a sense of satisfaction when she examined her handiwork and saw that every bullet had pierced through the shoulders of the figure on the board.

"Nice work," came a voice from behind her, startling her slightly.

"I'm pretty sure you were the one who taught me not to creep up on people with guns," Parker responded without turning round.

"It's good to see you're practising shooting to disarm as well. You always used to go for the kill shot on targets. It was a little unsettling." Parker pulled off the ear protectors and slammed them down on the counter, holstering her gun and turning round.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"I saw your altercation with Agent Hotchner – is there anything I should be aware of?"

"Erin, it's not Friday. You'll get your report at the end of the week as per our arrangement." Parker was not in the mood to deal with her aunt this morning.

"We can have conversations on other days of the week," Erin laughed.

"I'm only obligated to speak to you on a Friday," Parker replied shortly. "Unless you have some other condition to impose?"

"I had hoped you would be taking a more mature approach to this by now," Erin remarked. "But if that's the way you want to play it then I will see you on Friday evening. And make sure you watch your tongue with your superiors," she added.

"Of course ma'am," Parker responded, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"I mean it, Parker," Erin warned as she walked away.

Parker unholstered her gun, set up a fresh target and pulled on the ear protectors. Loading a new clip, she took a deep breath and pulled the trigger several times in quick succession until she was out of bullets. The target was left with a hole through the heart and Parker let out her breath, feeling marginally better and ready to return to her colleagues.


	14. Chapter 14

A couple of weeks later, the team were gathered at Rossi's house for a barbeque. Though there had been an obvious tension following Parker and Reid's argument and her subsequent altercation with Hotch, it slowly dispersed and the team continued to work as normal. Parker had been quiet – a fact which hadn't escaped anyone's attention – but no one was unduly concerned. At least no one other than Spencer.

"Parker, do you want a beer?" Morgan called across the garden to where the young agent sat by herself watching the others interact.

"I'm good thanks," she replied, raising her glass of soda to show she already had a drink.

"You know you don't have to do that for my benefit," Reid remarked, taking a seat beside her. "I was too fast to jump to conclusions. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Parker smiled. "You were right to be worried before," she admitted after a pause. "I mean I don't have the same kind of issues as Erin but…" she paused. "That case with the sorority girls that were picked up in bars spooked me a bit." Reid nodded in understanding.

"Are the cases getting to you?" he asked.

"I'm coping," she replied.

"Good," Spencer nodded but looked rather unconvinced. Parker gave him a smile.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I know you were only looking out for me. Thank you."

Spencer opened his mouth to reply but before he could say anything, Morgan called over to them from beside the pool, where everyone else was gathered.

"Are you kids joining us or are you having a private party of your own?" he laughed.

"Jealous, Morgan?" Parker yelled back with forced playfulness. She was discovering that it was easier to occasionally join in with the jokes and banter of the team than to avoid socialising with them altogether. She stood up and started over towards the others.

"You got me," Morgan grinned holding his hands up. "Don't you know I like having pretty boy all to myself?"

"Oh, he only has eyes for me," Parker replied with a laugh as she came to stand beside Derek. Derek's face suddenly turned serious and his eyes widened.

"Parker, behind you!" he warned.

"What?" she asked in alarm, as she turned to look and felt Morgan's strong hands push her straight into the pool. His laugh filled the air and, after some initial gasps of surprise, the others joined in.

Parker hit the water face first. She felt the cool liquid fill her nose and her open mouth, and panic exploded through her body. All thoughts of the warm summer's day faded and were replaced by a darkness she hadn't visited in several months. She could feel the weight of his hand on the back of her neck and the temperature of the water, which she was trying so hard to keep from her lungs, seemed to drop by several degrees. She lashed out with her arms and legs, desperately trying to break free of an imaginary hold. And then her head started to grow fuzzy and stars appeared before her water filled eyes…

Emily was the first to notice that something was wrong. She had been laughing, along with the others, until she noticed that Parker was flailing and hadn't surfaced since hitting the water. Her face fell as the young agent's movements appeared to slow

"Guys, something's wrong!" she shouted as she leapt up from her seat and rushed towards the pool. At Emily's shout Morgan also realised Parker was in trouble and jumped into the water. He soon had a hold of her and pulled her head above the water. She gasped for air and then began to kick out, almost breaking free of Morgan's grip.

"Get off me!" she coughed, elbowing him hard in the chest. Emily, who had also jumped into the pool, tried to assist him in keeping her above the water.

"Parker, it's Emily," she said, as she supported the younger woman's head and shoulders. "We're trying to help you – you need to stop fighting." Between the two of them, Morgan and Prentiss managed to manoeuvre Parker to the edge of the pool, where the others were waiting to pull her from the water.

"Please! I don't know anything! Stop!" Parker yelled, still kicking out as JJ and Hotch lifted her from the water.

"Parker, it's us. You're safe," Hotch reassured her as he gently took hold of her chin and turned her to face him.

"It's not him," Parker babbled, before finally realising that she was in Rossi's garden with a very worried team surrounding her. She stopped lashing out and felt herself lie back against JJ, who was crouched behind her. Taking a deep breath, she began to cough and the blonde profiler helped her to lean forward, rubbing her back until she could breathe again.

"Are you OK?" Morgan asked, his expression an equal mix of guilt and concern, as Parker's eyes drifted up to take in his dripping wet form. She nodded slowly, feeling a little confused.

"What… what happened?" she asked.

"You don't remember?" Hotch frowned. She shook her head.

"I was with Spencer – we were talking and then Morgan called me over and…" she trailed off.

"I pushed you into the pool," Morgan explained guiltily. "It was just meant to be a joke…"

"I'm OK," Parker mumbled quietly, becoming increasingly aware that everyone was staring. She tried to get up but JJ placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from moving.

"How about we just sit here for a minute and make sure you're OK?" she suggested. Parker didn't resist and JJ loosened her grip. JJ turned to Morgan and Prentiss. "Why don't you guys go inside and dry off?" she asked. "And maybe someone could go and get a towel for Parker? It's a bit crowded out here." The team, following JJ's suggestions or making other excuses, dispersed and gave JJ and Parker some space. Spencer, however, stayed behind, watching with concern.

"I want to get up," Parker stated after a few moments.

"OK," JJ agreed. "Spence, can you help me?" Even sitting on the ground Parker was trembling and JJ knew she wouldn't be able to stand on her own, but with Spencer's help she was soon seated in a nearby chair.

"Thank you," Parker smiled weakly, as Spencer crouched down in front of her and took hold of her wrist. "What are you doing?"

"I'm checking your pulse," he explained. "You nearly drowned. We should really get you to the emergency room to get checked over. It looks like you had some kind of panic attack," he mused.

"I'm OK," Parker tried to assure him.

"You need to stop saying that," JJ raised her eyebrows.

"You're still shaking," Reid continued his assessment of her wellbeing. "You're probably in shock and you seemed to inhale some water so it really would be best if you saw a doctor. Has anything like that ever happened to you before?"

"What? Having to be rescued from the pool at a colleague's barbeque?" she muttered dryly. It was Reid's turn to raise his eyebrows. "I've had nightmares before but I've never been like that while I'm awake," she answered honestly.

"Where did you think you were?" JJ asked gently. Parker stared at her feet, considering how to answer. "Parker?" JJ pressed.

"I don't want to talk about it," she responded at last. "But please just believe me that I'm OK?" She looked up at the two worried faces watching her every gesture and expression. "And Spencer, I don't need a doctor – I'm breathing fine and I'll stop shaking in a little while."

"You're not OK," Reid remarked sternly, much to JJ's surprise.

"Spencer…" Parker began, but was cut off.

"No, don't keep pretending that you are OK!" he exclaimed. "You are distant and jumpy and you nearly drowned in Rossi's pool! And have you forgotten the night I took you home when you were too drunk to climb the stairs? Do you know what could have happened to you if you'd been alone? I was awake most of the night just to check you were still breathing!"

"Spence…" Parker breathed as tears prickled her eyes. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologise; just let us help you," Reid pleaded. Parker was taken aback by his outburst and JJ watched the conversation play out in a kind of stunned silence.

"You don't want to help me," Parker replied quietly after several moments of silence. Tears flowed freely down her face and she made no attempt to wipe them away with her shaking hands. "You shouldn't want to help me."

"Trust me," Reid continued. "Trust us. Please." He was reminded of when Emily had shut them out to deal with Doyle by herself. He wasn't willing to let anything like that happen again.

"Don't…" Parker shook her head. "Please don't be nice to me." Her voice was heavy with emotion and her tears continued to fall silently.

"You're a part of the team."

"No, I'm not. You shouldn't trust me. Don't make this harder."

"Parker…" Reid trailed off. His usually lightning-quick brain was taking time to process the situation. At some point his fingers had inexplicably slid from her wrist to hold her hand.

"You shouldn't trust me," she repeated quietly.

"Why?" he puzzled, trying to read her expression.

"Because she's working for Strauss," came a voice from a few feet away. "Right?" Parker turned towards Hotch and, as their eyes met, all other thoughts were replaced with a paradoxical sense of relief and panic.

**And the secret is out...**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks again for the favs,follows and reviews. It makes me so happy to know that people are reading this! Hope you enjoy this chapter :) I'm so excited to write down the ideas I have for what happens next!**

"What?" Reid asked, a look of hurt spreading across his face as Parker failed to rebut Hotch's accusation.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, looking down at the ground.

"So it's true?" JJ asked. Parker's silence confirmed what she already knew. "How could you do that?"

"I didn't have a choice," Parker replied, watching the shadows of the tree above her dance across the ground rather than making eye contact with anyone. "How long have you known?"

"I've always had my suspicions but I had a meeting with Erin a few days ago and she knew some details of our cases that I hadn't included in my reports."

"I'm sorry," Parker repeated, daring to look up at her boss.

"You said you didn't have a choice?" JJ questioned. "Why couldn't you have turned down the job?" While Parker had never tried to win her trust, JJ had defended the young agent from the start and she felt betrayed by the fact that Parker had been feeding information back to Strauss all along.

"I couldn't turn down the job," Parker explained, frustrated that she couldn't give the only people who had been on her side a fuller excuse for her betrayal.

"Because of whatever happened in Phoenix?" Reid asked, breaking his silence. Parker nodded and turned to face him with a sad smile.

"Spencer, I promise that I wouldn't have done this if I'd had any other option." She looked at him hopefully, wishing for the understanding she didn't really believe she deserved, but he looked down at the ground. "JJ?" she tried, turning to face the woman who had been becoming a friend until a few minutes ago. JJ had nothing to say and blankly gazed back at Parker before she too stared at the ground.

/  
/

Parker and Hotch sat silently in Strauss's office, waiting for their boss to join them. Hotch had contacted Strauss, following the revelations of the barbeque, and a meeting between the three had been arranged.

"I'm sorry to keep you both waiting," Erin announced as she strode into the office. She sat down at her desk and looked from one agent to the other before continuing. "Now obviously this isn't quite how I imagined this panning out."

"With all due respect, how did you imagine it would turn out?" Hotch asked gruffly. Erin sighed heavily as she contemplated her response.

"She didn't think I'd be here when it all came out," Parker stated, turning to face her aunt. "Am I right?"

"I would have found you a suitable position elsewhere," Erin replied carefully. Parker let out a small chuckle and nodded slowly.

"Of course you would have."

"What do you propose doing in the present circumstances?" Hotch asked.

"I have a friend in Boston who needs someone to assist on a research project involving cold cases. I intend on recommending Parker for the job."

"You want to take me out of the field?" Parker asked.

"I believe it would be a good opportunity for you," Erin responded. Parker leaned back in her chair and sighed deeply.

"Should I pack a bag today or do I get a little more notice this time?" she asked sarcastically.

"Parker…" Erin began but was interrupted by Hotch.

"Perhaps Parker could wait outside while we have a word in private," he suggested. Erin looked surprised but agreed.

"Parker, go and get a coffee and I'll call you when we're finished," she instructed. Parker obeyed and left the room.

"She's not just a pawn you can move around as it suits you," Hotch remarked as soon as the door closed behind Parker.

"That's not what I'm doing, Aaron," she replied calmly.

"Well then explain to me what you are doing?"

"This all surrounds some very complicated matters which go above both our pay grades."

"But it's you who brought Parker in and forced her to report back to you on the BAU?" Hotch kept his voice calm and measured. He knew he was pushing his luck with his boss, and didn't want to provoke her, but was unwilling to hold his tongue.

"I brought in someone I could trust to ensure that the BAU was functioning effectively."

"And is it?"

"I haven't been shown any evidence to the contrary," she replied diplomatically, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"So now you're going to move Parker on somewhere else as though she was never here?"

"I don't see any other alternative. She can't go back to Phoenix and obviously can't continue with her task here." Hotch paused for a moment before responding.

"It's a waste of her talents to stick her behind a desk," he remarked flatly. "She's a good agent and has the potential to be an excellent profiler."

"Are you suggesting that she remains with the BAU?" Erin asked in surprise as she caught on to where Hotch was heading.

"Presumably you were intending on her being here longer than this?"

"Yes, but that was when she had a task to carry out."

"Is there any reason she wouldn't be able to stay?"

"I'd have to clear it with a few people but, theoretically, there's no reason. I just assumed that you would want her gone." She was shocked that Hotch would be willing to continue working with someone who had effectively been spying on him.

"We both know that Parker did not accept your task under her own free will. And I won't hold it against her – I've seen how much she struggled. I can't guarantee that everyone will feel the same way but I'd appreciate the opportunity to give her a chance."

"You'd take full responsibility for her training?" Erin asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes," Hotch replied with a nod.

"And you'll deal with any tensions in the team?" she continued. He nodded again in response. "In that case I'll see what I can do. But I emphasise that she would be your responsibility."

"I understand," he replied, hoping that he had made the right decision. And that, in time, his team would come to support him.

/  
/

Two days later, after being given the go-ahead by Strauss, Hotch met with Parker at a nearby coffee shop. When he arrived, he saw her waiting at a table towards the back of the shop, tearing the empty sugar packets which lay on the table beside her coffee cup. She looked on edge and dark circles were visible beneath her eyes.

"Parker," he greeted her as he approached the table. She jumped at the sound of his voice and knocked over her coffee.

"Shit!" she exclaimed as the liquid splashed over her arm. Hotch quickly grabbed some paper napkins and passed some to her, while he cleaned up the table.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Hotch apologised. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah, the coffee was lukewarm anyway," she assured him.

"Can I get you another?"

"I've probably had enough caffeine for today. I'm a little jumpy," she replied with a small, anxious laugh.

"Decaf then?" he offered.

"Sure," she nodded. "Thank you."

Minutes later Hotch returned to the table with two mugs and Parker thanked him again as he sat one down in front of her. They fell into an uncomfortable silence for several moments while they each took a drink of their coffee.

"How are you?" Hotch asked at last.

"I'm fine," she replied, returning her attention to the sugar packets rather than looking him in the eye.

"Parker, you should know that I don't blame you." She stopped playing with the packets and looked up.

"You don't?" she asked in surprise. He shook his head.

"I saw what it was doing to you; I know you were struggling. And I understand that you had no option."

"Even so, I'm still so sorry."

"I don't want you to apologise," Hotch assured her with a shake of his head. "I have a proposition for you," he continued. "How would you feel about staying with the BAU?"

"Are you serious?" Parker asked, her face lighting up with the first genuine smile Hotch had seen from her for weeks.

"Yes," Hotch responded with a slight smile. "I've cleared it with Strauss." He saw her smile fade at the mention of her aunt. "You would continue to train as a profiler, under my supervision, and would work alongside the team as you complete your training. Is that something you would be interested in?"

"Yes! Thank you so much. Yes!" she replied immediately, unable to contain her enthusiasm.

"Good," Hotch smiled and nodded, before turning serious again. "I can't guarantee that it will be easy to settle back in with the others – they're understandably upset and regaining their trust will take time. But I'm willing to take a chance on you. You have a lot of potential."

"Thank you, sir," she responded. "I promise I won't let you down." And for the first time in a long time she believed that she might be able to remain true to her word.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Longer chapter here but I didn't want to split it. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think x**

It was Parker's first day back with the BAU and she was more anxious than when she had first started. She arrived early, in the hope she could use up some of her nervous energy in the gym. She was laying into a punching bag when she became aware of someone watching her. Steadying the bag, she stopped her workout and turned towards the observer.

"I didn't have you down as the aggressive type," Emily remarked. "Remind me to stay on your good side!"

"How long have you been there?" Parker asked, slipping off her gloves and crossing the gym towards the older agent.

"Not long. Hotch sent me down to get you – we've got a case." Parker took her phone from her pocket to check for a missed call or text. "He didn't call you. He wanted me to speak to you."

"Why?" Parker thought aloud. Emily laughed at her bluntness. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she added quickly.

"Hotch has asked if I'll mentor you until you settle back in," Emily explained. This time Parker managed to keep her thoughts in her head but her facial expressions betrayed her surprise and confusion. Emily laughed again. "He thinks we'll get on well."

"Do you agree?"

"I don't know you yet," Prentiss replied honestly.

"How much do JJ and Reid hate me?" Parker asked after a moment of silence. She figured Emily would give her an honest answer.

"They don't hate you; they just feel betrayed. They'll get over it eventually," Emily reassured her.

"I hope so," Parker responded quietly.

"So you're good with me being your mentor?"

"Sure," Parker smiled.

"Then we'd better get upstairs and get started."

/  
/

"Gross photos time," Garcia announced to the team. They were sat around the table in the conference room while she presented the case. "We have three suspected drug addicts found dead in sunny Phoenix." She pulled up three photos on the screen. "As you can see each victim has multiple stab wounds."

"You can say that again!" Morgan exclaimed. "Looks like some serious overkill."

"Is there any connection between the victims other than the drugs?" JJ asked.

"Not that the local PD have established so far," Garcia replied. "And the bodies were all dumped at different sites. They were also cleaned of all trace evidence."

"So we're looking for someone who knows how to take forensic countermeasures," Rossi commented.

"The FBI in Phoenix are already involved but have requested that we join them as soon as possible," Hotch explained. "We can go over the existing evidence and make a start on a profile on the jet."

Parker felt her heart sink at the prospect of returning to Phoenix and possibly having to face her former colleagues, but at least she still had a job, and a chance to start making things right with her new colleagues. She was determined not to mess up again.

/  
/

The team arrived at the precinct in the middle of the afternoon. Parker felt increasingly paranoid that the police and other staff milling around the entrance were staring at her. Rumours of her affair had spread around the local law enforcement agencies before she left and, while very few knew the truth or the details, it hadn't stopped them speculating. She was prepared for the return of the whispers but not for what, or rather who, greeted them in the detectives' office.

"SSA Hotchner, thank you for coming. I'm SAC Edward Marsden. I've taken over this investigation since you last had contact with my colleague." The man extended his arm to shake Hotch's hand.

"It's good to meet you, sir," Hotch replied. "This is my team," he gestured towards the others. "Agents Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss and Jareau, Doctor Reid and you may have met…"

"Agent Strauss," Edward completed, with a smile. "Yes, we've met before. It's good to see you again." He turned towards Parker and she felt her face flush red.

"You too, sir," she replied, trying to prevent her facial expressions giving away any of their history. It was a really bad time to be surrounded by profilers.

"Well, shall we get to work?" Marsden suggested, leading them towards where he had set out the details of the case on a board. Parker kept her head down until the colour had faded from her cheeks and then found herself absorbed in her work, though she didn't fail to notice the older man watching her from across the room.

/  
/

"I thought I'd never get you alone," Edward grinned as he approached her in the file storage room. She had been sent down to collect hard copies of all the relevant documents for Reid. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his chin against her hair.

"Edward," she sighed, shrugging him off and pulling away from his hold.

"What's wrong?" he asked, reaching out for her arm.

"I can't do this," she responded. "You're married and…"

"Marie left me," he interrupted.

"Because of us?" Parker asked, in surprise. Edward shook his head and laughed.

"No, because of the investment banker she's been screwing for the last three years. I suppose I can't really protest." He gave her another of his intoxicating smiles. "You seem to be doing well," he commented and she was unsure whether it was a question.

"Erin played me but I'm getting back on my feet now."

"I've really missed you," he sighed.

"Do you mean that?" she asked uncertainly.

"Of course I do," he smiled, opening his arms to her. "Come here," he indicated. She let him pull her close to him, wrapping her own arms around his neck.

"I've missed this," she admitted, whispering against his neck. He loosened his hold and turned her to face him before pressing a deep kiss to her lips. She drew back, surprised and breathless. "I can't do this," she muttered, shaking her head.

"Why not?"

"Because this is how it all started."

"There's nothing to stop us doing this," he responded. "We're both on the same side and we're both single, consenting adults. Unless you have something to tell me?" He raised his eyebrows and smirked cheekily.

"Oh yeah, because I've had time to find a boyfriend recently," she responded sarcastically, rolling her eyes for maximum effect.

"Now there's the Parker I know," he laughed. "I was beginning to think the BAU had drained you of all personality."

"What have you got against the BAU?" she questioned with a smirk on her face and a hand on her hip. She could recall a reference he made to the BAU being a "travelling show" during their phone call.

"Nothing at all." He held up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender. "All your little profiling party tricks are very entertaining," he laughed. She punched him playfully on the arm and he feigned injury. "Watch out Strauss or I might have to tell your boss you assaulted me," he grinned.

"And then I'd just have to explain how SAC Marsden accosted me in the file locker," she teased.

"What like this?" he replied kissing her again and pushing her back against the shelves. She giggled as he ran his hands over her back, rediscovering all the sensitive spots he knew would make her squirm. He pulled back from her, laughing, as she wriggled around in his arms. "I forgot just how ticklish you were."

"I hate you!" she laughed as he relented. "And I have a job I need to be getting on with," she smirked, ducking away from him and picking up the box of files she had been in the process of retrieving.

"I'd better let you get on the," he responded with mock seriousness. "Wouldn't want you getting in trouble. Again," he added.

"I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of staying out of trouble," she retorted.

"Ha!" he snorted. "I highly doubt that." She ignored him, pretending to be offended, and headed for the door. "Where are you staying tonight?" he asked before she left.

"Some hotel with the rest of the team," she replied, turning back to face him.

"How about staying with me instead?" he offered with a wide smile. She paused to consider her response.

"I'll think about it," she responded, shrugging nonchalantly as she opened the door, and hiding her face from him.

"I know you're smiling!" he called after her, causing the grin on her face to grow even larger.

/  
/

On her return to the conference room, which the BAU were using as a base, Parker was greeted by Emily, who watched her suspiciously.

"Everything OK?" she asked as Parker placed the cardboard box on the table.

"Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn't it be?" Parker responded in alarm.

"It's just that you look a little flushed," Emily commented. Reid looked up from the files he had started to unpack to see what Prentiss was talking about.

"It's hot," Parker replied a little too defensively as she self-consciously ran a hand through her hair. "So how are we getting on here?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Rossi just called from the morgue and confirmed that all our victims had the same batch of heroin in their systems when they died," Reid informed her.

"So they're definitely drug users then?" Parker asked.

"It looks like it. They all showed signs of prolonged drug use," Emily replied. Parker nodded.

"Does that mean that we're looking for someone involved in the drug supply chain?" Parker asked, getting an uneasy sense that the case was going to overlap with her old job.

"Possibly," Reid answered. "You worked on a drugs taskforce here, didn't you?" Parker nodded in response.

"So you're familiar with the local supply chains and the areas addicts frequent?" Emily asked.

"It's been a few months but I still know about some of the key players."

"Good, that should help us," Emily smiled and Parker was reassured that she'd at least be treated as a member of the team, despite everything that had happened.

/  
/

The afternoon quickly passed into the evening and they were joined by the rest of the team as they returned from their various assignments. Reid, Prentiss and Parker had mapped out an area in which the victims had conducted their lives and where they likely sourced their drugs and had just explained their findings to Morgan and JJ, when Hotch and Rossi returned.

"I've been speaking with SAC Marsden and we're in agreement that we should call it a night and pick this up in the morning. I need everyone on top form so get some food and get some sleep," he ordered. The team, already running on coffee, didn't object.

"I suggest we all go out somewhere to eat," Rossi added and the team began to pack up and head out.

"Parker, are you joining us?" Hotch asked as she headed past him towards the door. He had noticed that she had no response to Rossi's suggestion.

"Emm, I already planned to meet up with some old friends but if you want me to I could…" she rambled. He cut her off with a shake of his head.

"Don't worry about it. Just keep your phone on so I can contact you if necessary."

"Yes, sir," she agreed.

"Have a good night," he added as she left the room.

"You too, sir," she called back with a smile, a buzz of excitement forming as she contemplated the night that lay ahead.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I'm getting far too into this story now! I hope you're enjoying reading as much as I am writing! Thanks for all the feedback :) **

Parker's excitement transformed to apprehension as she showered and got ready for her evening. She watched her reflection in the mirror as she applied her eye-liner with a slightly shaky hand. The person looking back both judged and understood her. She told herself she was doing nothing wrong. He was right - they were single, consenting adults. No one was getting hurt; no one was doing anything wrong. But that didn't stop the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

A knock on the door startled her and she smudged the black pencil under her eye.

"Just a second," she called, grabbing a cotton pad from her make-up bag and fixing the smudge. She swung open the door to reveal JJ waiting on the other side.

"Hey," smiled the blonde profiler.

"Hi," Parker replied, surprised to see the woman she had barely exchanged two words with since the incident at Rossi's.

"Can I come in for a minute?" JJ asked, with uncharacteristic hesitation.

"Sure." Parker stepped aside to let her into the room.

"You look nice," JJ commented to fill silence that spread between then.

"I'm meeting an old friend," Parker mumbled uncomfortably. "Do you need something?" she asked, keeping her tone neutral.

"Just to talk to you. If that's OK?"

"Go for it," Parker agreed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and indicating for JJ to do the same.

"I wanted to apologise. I reacted badly and I'm sorry for that," she stated sincerely.

"You don't need to apologise," Parker assured her. "I would have reacted the same way."

"I just want to make sure there's no awkwardness between us," JJ continued.

"There isn't." Parker glanced absent-mindedly at her watch. She'd have to be leaving soon. And JJ's presence in the room made her feel even more uneasy, as she was reminded of the way she would be spending her night if she was being smart.

"OK," JJ nodded. "I'll get off and meet the team – I don't want to hold you up." She hadn't failed to notice Parker checking the time. Parker stood up to show her out the room.

"Thanks for coming to speak to me," she remarked, rather flatly, with her hand already on the door handle. "Have a good night." She forced a smile and opened the door.

"You too," JJ replied, as she was rushed out into the corridor. "Remember, I'm here if you ever need to talk," she added before Parker could disappear back into her room. Even considering the circumstances, the younger agent was acting strangely. Parker simply nodded and gave JJ a half smile before retreating behind the door.

/  
/

Practically quivering with nerves and anticipation, she wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans as she waited outside his apartment. She hoped she wasn't too under-dressed; she hadn't packed for going anywhere other than the precinct and the hotel. Her heart quickened as she heard him unlocking the door from the inside.

"Hi," she smiled anxiously as the door opened. "I brought wine." She produced a bottle from her bag, unsure what else to say or do.

"I'm glad you came," he smiled broadly. "Come in." Parker entered the familiar apartment and was immediately hit with the smell of cooking. She turned towards the living area and saw the table set for a meal, with candles burning in the centre. "I took a chance on you taking me up on my offer," he explained.

"Wow," she commented. "You did all this for me?"

"Do I get a thank you kiss?" he teased. She threw herself towards him and kissed him passionately on the lips. "I'll take that as a yes," he laughed. She leaned back in his arms and gazed up into his eyes.

"You don't know how much I appreciate this," she smiled, but he noticed a lingering sadness in her eyes.

"You're lonely," he remarked, pushing a strand of hair from her face.

"I'm not," she protested unconvincingly. "I've just missed you."

"Shall I pour us some wine?" he asked before the conversation became too heavy.

"I can't actually drink. I might need to leave if Agent Hotchner calls," she explained, with a sheepish smile. Now she looked like an idiot for bringing the wine.

"Then I'll get us some grape juice and pretend we have wine," he laughed. She watched him reach for glasses from the cupboard and juice from the fridge. She smiled to herself as he poured their drinks. All anxiety had dissipated in the few minutes since her arrival and she felt more relaxed than she had in months. "Are you staring at me, Strauss?" he grinned.

"Might be," she shrugged, with a smirk playing on her lips.

"I hope you eat quickly," he grinned, turning his attention to the pots on the stove. "Because I can't wait for dessert."

/  
/

"Reid, what took you so long?" Emily asked, when the doctor finally joined them at the restaurant. He quickly pulled a file from his messenger bag.

"I was just looking over the crime scene photos and…" he began to explain.

"No talking shop at dinner," Rossi interrupted with a slight grin.

"I know, but this is important. We missed something." He spread the photos of the three victims across the table. "It was easy to miss in among all the knife wounds and it's unsurprising that no one has picked up on it but…"

"Spit it out, Spencer," Morgan laughed.

"If you look just to the left of the sternum, there's a largely superficial wound which is in the same position on each of the victims. It looks like it's been made by pressing the knife hard into the skin and then dragging it down," he commented.

"The wound is above the heart," JJ commented, examining the pictures. "That must be significant."

"It suggests something personal in the killings," Morgan added. "And it's much more controlled than the rest of the wounds."

"It definitely can't be a coincidence," Emily piped up. "This changes our profile." The team looked to Hotch to see what their next move should be.

"It does change the profile," Hotch agreed. "But we should stick to our plan of presenting to Marsden and the drugs team in the morning."

"So we should probably get the pictures of corpses off the table," Morgan remarked, as he caught sight of the expression on the face of a waitress who had chosen an unfortunate moment to come to take their order. Reid quickly gathered up the images and put them back in his bag, before taking a seat beside JJ.

"Should we call Parker and update her?" Emily asked, remembering their missing colleague. Hotch shook his head.

"No, let her enjoy her night. We'll fill her in in the morning."

/  
/

"This one's new," Edward remarked as he gently ran his fingers over the scar on her arm. She mumbled something incoherent. "How did you get it?" he asked, tracing its shape and feeling her shiver slightly at his light touch.

"I got shot," she replied calmly.

"You got shot?" he exclaimed, concern etching his face. She nodded.

"Just a flesh wound."

"Does it hurt?" He pulled her closer, sitting up slightly so he could place a kiss on her hairline. She shook her head.

"Not anymore. Just looks ugly."

"Nonsense," he replied, leaning over her naked body and tracing the shape of another faded scar on her side. That one was a stab wound from one of her first jobs after leaving the academy. She'd been clearing an apartment when a drug addict had blindsided her and managed to get the knife around her vest. He'd been in the next room when he heard her hit the ground. She almost bled out in the ambulance and it had taken him most of the night to clean every trace of her blood from his hands. They started sleeping together three months later. "Your scars are beautiful," he breathed, climbing on top of her to kiss her mouth. He placed gentle kisses all down her neck and chest until he reached the spot beside her left breast. He lingered there for a second, feeling the change in the texture of her skin beneath his lips. "Especially this one," he whispered.

"I don't particularly like that one," she laughed weakly. He raised his head until he was looking directly into her eyes, laying his hand across the scar and feeling her heart beating steadily underneath.

"It shows how strong you are," he smiled. "You stood up to him even when he had a knife pressed to your chest. You didn't betray me." His smile faded and his quiet voice caught in his throat as he thought of the story behind this scar.

"You'd done nothing wrong," she reached up to touch his cheek as she saw the pain flicker across his eyes at the memory.

"But if you said what he wanted you to, then he'd have stopped," he reminded her.

"But it was a lie. And if I'd said it then you would be in prison now and he'd definitely have got away with everything." She gave him a reassuring smile as her thumb stroked his jawline. "Plus we don't know that he'd have stopped," she added and a smile reappeared on his face.

"Keep the profiling out of the bedroom," he laughed teasingly, though it was a little forced and the hint of distress remained in his pale blue eyes.

"Then how about we get back to some of my other party tricks?" she grinned, rolling over to pin him to the bed.

"I like the sound of that," he smiled, mimicking her gesture and flipping her over onto her back. And with every kiss and laugh and touch the stories of her scars faded from their minds.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: An unexpected afternoon off has made me very happy! And sped up my writing! Wasn't too sure about a chapter with just Parker and Edward but think this flows better on it's own. Back to the rest of the team next chapter! Hope you like it :)**

Parker opened her eyes early the next morning to find the bed beside her warm but empty. She could hear Edward's hushed voice coming from beyond the bedroom door. Grabbing his shirt from the floor to cover herself, she glanced round the slightly open door to check he was alone. Once satisfied that he was only on the phone she dashed across the living area towards him. She was about to wrap her arms around his neck when she saw the serious expression he wore.

"What's wrong?" she mouthed, as he rubbed his furrowed brow. He held up a finger to indicate that he was busy and turned away, listening intently to the caller. Quietly sitting herself down on the sofa, she gazed out the window at the early morning light. It couldn't have been much later than 5am. The roads were almost deserted and the birds flying across the sky were still silhouettes against the sunrise. Phone calls at this time could never be good.

"OK, let Agent Hotchner know and I'll see you in an hour or so," Edward ended his call and sighed heavily, running his hand through his slightly greying hair. Parker, whose ears had pricked up at the mention of her boss, watched him intently.

"What's happened?" she asked, frowning at the worry radiating from his every pore.

"The police have found another body," he replied gravely. "You need to get back to your hotel and team." There was no hint of the playfulness or teasing of the previous evening. Edward had morphed back into the stern SAC Marsden. She untucked her bare legs from underneath her and started towards him.

"We'll find this guy," she assured him, running her hand soothingly up and down his arm and pressing herself close to his bare chest. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent, as his arms tightened around her. "Is something else wrong?" she asked, surprised at his sudden clinginess.

"You just need to get back to Agent Hotchner," he replied flatly.

"It's not one of the team, is it?" she asked in alarm, trying to understand what had upset him so much.

"No, no, your team are safe," he reassured her, rubbing his hands comfortingly across her back.

"And yours?" she pressed. He released his hold on her so he could look her in the eye.

"Everyone's fine," he replied with a small smile. He pushed her hair behind her ears and held her gaze for several moments.

"What are you looking at?" she laughed awkwardly.

"I'm so glad we spent last night together," he smiled, though his face looked anything but happy.

"Don't get all soppy on me," she teased. "It's far too early in the morning for that." It made her uncomfortable when he acted seriously about their relationship.

"How about some coffee then?" he asked, visibly attempting to lighten his tone and expression. "It's never too early for coffee."

"Sure," she nodded. "I'll just go and get dressed." She headed off to the bedroom, glancing back and frowning as he fumbled with the coffee percolator. Something was clearly distressing him.

Soon Parker was wearing her clothes from the night before and Edward was handing her a travel mug of coffee. She couldn't help but wish they could at least have had breakfast together. He walked her to the door before pulling her into another unsettlingly tight hug and then releasing her to kiss her deeply.

"Be careful, Parker," he told her seriously as he opened the door.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours at work," she responded with a puzzled smile. He nodded and returned a weak smile.

"I just want you to be safe."

"I'll stay safe and I'll see you later," she smiled, giving him a final peck on the lips as she stepped out into the hallway.

He watched until she disappeared into the elevator at the end of the corridor and then returned inside. Slumping against the back of the door, he slid to the ground and held his head in his hands. He never expected saying goodbye to be so difficult. He hoped that one day she'd understand why he hadn't taken her with him. The only thing that had made it bearable to let her leave was that she would soon be surrounded by a team of elite FBI agents. She would be as safe as was possible in this world. And she'd forget him in time – she was young and eventually he'd just be a part of the wild youth she would leave behind. He'd just be some guy that she probably shouldn't have been sleeping with. He smiled to himself at the thought of a fully grown-up Parker; he could picture her heading a unit of her own and maybe having a couple of kids and an adoring husband at home. He could imagine her future so clearly: giggling on a first date, wiping away a tear on her wedding day, celebrating a promotion in a noisy bar, balancing a book on her bump as she prepared for the birth of her first child, holding a tiny daughter close to her chest…

She had so much life ahead of her and that's why he had to do this alone.

He placed his badge on the counter – it wouldn't be much use to him anymore. Then he pulled on his gun holster and secured his back-up weapon to his ankle. He picked up his cell and dialled a number he hadn't called in a long time.

"Where the fuck are you hiding, you bastard?" he hissed down the line.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Lots of explanations coming up!**

Hotch eyed Parker suspiciously as she hurried towards them at the crime scene. He had called her moments after she left Edward's apartment and she hadn't had time to get back to the hotel to change. He knew that she'd been out all night and she was aware that he knew. But she'd joined the team within minutes of their arrival at the scene so he wasn't going to give her a hard time over it.

"Sorry, sir," she apologised as she reached him. "I got here as quickly as I could," she explained. He nodded, seeming to accept her apology and she relaxed a little.

"Come over to look at our latest victim," Hotch instructed, directing her towards an area surrounded by crime scene photographers and investigators. "There have been some developments since yesterday evening and this victim complicates matters further." Parker followed Hotch to take a closer look at the body and immediately gasped.

"He's FBI," she breathed, as she recognised the man as one of her old colleagues. Edward had lied to her about both their teams being OK.

"Did you know him?" Hotch asked. Parker nodded slowly.

"Not well but we worked together a couple of times; we were part of the same taskforce."

"Do you need a minute?" Hotch asked, trying to gauge how upset she was.

"No," she shook her head. "I just didn't expect this." Hotch nodded in understanding; it had been a shock to them all.

"OK, then if you look at the knife wound to the left hand side of his chest then you'll see what Reid has identified as our unsub's signature." Parker began to feel sick before she had even looked to where Hotch was pointing. She knew what she was going to see.

"The wound is superficial and controlled in comparison to the other injuries," Reid explained. Parker jumped a little at the sound of his voice; she hadn't even noticed him joining them. "It looks as if…"

"He pressed the knife into the flesh above the heart and dragged it down slowly," Parker continued quietly, her eyes fixed on the victims wound.

"Yes," Reid agreed. "It could be symbolic or…"

"A form of torture to scare the victim into doing what he wants them to," Parker interrupted again. She felt like she had entered some kind of dream-like state where different aspects of her life and memories were colliding. She continued to stare at the wound on the body in front of her and so clearly felt the pain of the knife pressed against her own skin. She could see the sick look of excitement in his eyes as he dragged the knife down and she screamed what she thought would be the last sound she would ever make. All of a sudden the reality of what was happening hit her and her stomach began to churn. "I think I'm going to be sick," she mumbled, still fixed to the spot and unable to move.

Without a word, Hotch placed an arm around her shoulders and guided her away from the body. As he lifted the yellow crime scene tape and ducked her under it, the others noticed that something was wrong.

"Hotch?" JJ called, approaching the pair to see what was going on. At the sound of someone else's voice, Parker seemed to snap out of her trance and she ran a little way away from Hotch before throwing up in the middle of the waste ground. "I've got her," JJ told Hotch before going after Parker.

"Take this," Reid called, stopping JJ and passing her a bottle of water.

"Are you OK?" JJ asked as she approached the younger agent and placed her hand on her back. Parker, who had been leaning over to stop her head spinning, straightened up and turned to face JJ but didn't say anything. "Here, have a sip of water." She unscrewed the top from the bottle and passed it into Parker's shaking hand.

"Thanks," Parker replied quietly after taking a few sips from the bottle.

"Better?" JJ asked.

"Yeah," Parker nodded.

"Do you want to go and sit down for a minute?" JJ pointed towards a heap of rocks not far from where they stood. Parker shook her head.

"I have a lot I need to tell everyone."

"I'm sure it can wait a little while," JJ assured her.

"No." Parker shook her head forcefully. "It can't wait."

"Then we'll head back to the precinct," JJ started but Parker shook her head.

"No, we can't trust anyone on this. I need to speak to everyone here. Away from the Phoenix cops and agents." Parker's eyes were wild as she tried to think of what she should do. She knew she had to tell the team everything but couldn't risk anyone involved overhearing.

"How about we find somewhere we can go and sit down and talk then?" JJ suggested, putting her arm around Parker. She didn't understand what could be so crucial and secretive but what she did know was that Parker looked terrified.

/  
/

Half an hour later the team sat in a booth in an almost deserted diner. It was still early and there were only a couple of other customers at the other side of the restaurant. They had all ordered coffees but no one felt much like eating; they were all apprehensive about what Parker had to say.

"Are you sure you don't want some toast or some eggs or something?" JJ asked Parker for the tenth time since they arrived. "You might feel better if you eat something." Parker was anxiously biting down on her thumb and her eyes darted between her colleagues. She shook her head without turning to face JJ.

"You have something to tell us?" Hotch gently prompted her. "I assume it relates to the case?" Parker nodded.

"I think I know who the unsub is," she began, taking a deep breath and trying to steady her voice. "His name is Adam Campbell. He's an FBI agent and was part of the joint CIA and FBI taskforce that I worked on." She paused and glanced up from the table to ensure everyone was listening. Realistically she knew they would be but she didn't want to do this twice. "Marsden suspected he was dirty; he was building evidence to prove that Campbell was involved in the heroin trade that the operation was targeting." She stopped to take a sip of water from her glass. "But Campbell caught on and, as it turned out, other agents, who were further up the chain of command, were also involved. They attempted to frame Marsden for everything they were doing. The evidence wasn't sufficient to bring any charges against him but they started an investigation and Campbell tried to get a false confession and manufacture more false evidence."

"How did you come to find out about this?" Reid asked, keeping his tone calm and undemanding. Parker held her head in her hands, hiding her eyes as she answered.

"Because I was having an affair with Marsden," she replied quietly. She looked up in time to see their shocked expressions but everyone managed to conceal any judgement they may have felt.

"How can you be sure that Marsden was being framed?" Rossi asked softly, trying to keep her calm.

"I know I wasn't in an objective position but I have no doubt about what Campbell was doing." She knew she had very little real proof to offer on the matter but, at least for now, her colleagues seemed to accept her word.

"How does this tie back to the current killings?" Emily questioned. Parker's hand automatically reached up to her chest and rested on the fabric that covered her scar.

"Because I've seen that knife wound before and Campbell inflicted it," she explained quickly before she lost her nerve. She pulled the neck of her tank top down to reveal part of her scar. "Campbell tortured me to try to force Marsden to confess, and to force me to give a statement to support his manufactured case." Her voice began to tremble towards the end of her explanation and she took another sip of water, the glass grasped in her shaking hand, in an attempt to calm down.

"He used water torture as well," Reid stated, not really asking a question, as he remembered the incident in Rossi's pool. She nodded and stared down at the table. JJ wrapped her fingers around Parker's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Emily asked, her voice heavy with concern and sympathy.

"I couldn't," Parker explained. "Marsden was still gathering evidence. Campbell was moved elsewhere when his used of 'enhanced interrogation' came to light, and I was sent to Quantico to keep me out of the way. Those in charge felt that the work of the taskforce was too important to jeopardise with a full investigation so it was covered up."

"Who made that decision?" Morgan asked in disbelief and somewhat rhetorically. Parker let out a humourless chuckle, causing the team to watch her with confusion.

"My mother made that decision," she replied. "Didn't you, Mom?" she added in a louder voice as she turned towards the woman who had taken a seat a couple of tables away from them.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: OK, firstly I would like to apologise for the massive delay in updating. I knew exactly where I was going with this story (I have a good few later chapters written) but got hopelessly stuck at this bit. Plus, I started writing this to relax in the middle of finals so I associated it with what I'd been studying and really couldn't face being reminded of that while I waited on results. But now I've graduated so that association doesn't terrify me anymore!**

**Anyway, now that my excuses are out of the way, I promise I'm not giving up on this and after one or two more chapters I should be updating pretty quickly. Not really sure how working on two long(ish) fics at the same time will go, but I'm so into writing these days so I'll give it my best shot. **

**If you're still reading after all this time then thank you and I apologise again. And I hope you enjoy this nice long update!**

The team watched in surprise as the woman rose from her seat and started towards them. From her appearance it was easy to see that she was related to Parker, and indeed to Erin. Parker visibly tensed as her mother stopped at their table.

"Hello, Parker," she smiled coolly. "It's good to see you."

"What do you want?" Parker responded, skipping any pretence of civility.

"Marsden," her mother replied.

"I don't know where he is."

"You were with him last night." Most of the team had already made this connection but there were a couple more looks of surprise.

"You were watching us?"

"We were watching him," her mother corrected.

"Then shouldn't you know where he is?" Parker asked cheekily.

"He slipped out of his apartment and we lost him," she explained.

"That was careless," Parker muttered. Hotch gave her a stern look, while Morgan struggled to stifle a laugh and both Emily and JJ hid their smiles behind their hands. "I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him since I left this morning," she informed her mother, giving her a falsely bright smile. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Could we talk in private for a moment?"

"You can ask me anything you need in front of everyone here."

"I'd rather speak to you alone," her mother persisted.

"Then I guess our conversation is over," Parker shrugged, not failing to notice the look of annoyance in her mother's eyes.

"Well then I suppose it is," she replied sharply. "If you contact Marsden we will know about it," she added, before turning on her heel and striding towards the door. The team were left in a stunned silence.

"Don't think I'll be getting an invite to Thanksgiving dinner this year," Parker laughed weakly to break the tension.

"So that's your mother…" Emily thought aloud. "She's…"

"Like Erin Strauss on steroids!" Morgan exclaimed, shaking his head. "How did you grow up so normal?"

"Morgan! You can't say that!" Emily elbowed him in the ribs before he could say anything more but Parker simply laughed.

"Thankfully she didn't adopt a particularly hands on approach to parenting," she smiled.

"So you really don't know where Marsden is?" Rossi asked, bringing the conversation back to their current case.

"No," Parker replied, shaking her head. "I mean, I'd guess he's wherever Campbell is but I have no idea where that could be."

The team sat quietly for a moment as they contemplated what would be their next move. If Campbell was their UNSUB then they had to find him. Preferably before he and Marsden came head to head.

"We need to profile Campbell like any other suspect," Hotch stated, breaking the silence. "Parker, you'll be able to provide us with valuable information to do so. But other than that I don't want you to have any further involvement with this case."

"But Hotch…" she began to protest but he raised his eyebrows and she fell silent.

"You're too close to this and we don't know Campbell's motives; you could be a potential target." The team shared looks of concern at his words. "I want you to go back to the hotel with Emily and let her conduct an interview to gather information on him. You are not to leave her sight, do you understand?" he asked sternly.

"Yes, sir. I understand," Parker reluctantly agreed.

/  
/

Parker and Emily returned to the hotel shortly after leaving the diner and made their way to Emily's room.

"Do you want to stop by your room and get any of your stuff?" Emily asked. Parker had been almost completely silent for the duration of the journey and even as a profiler, Emily was finding it difficult to guess what was going on with her young colleague.

"No, I don't need anything," she replied quietly as they continued towards Emily's room. She was frustrated that Hotch had essentially assigned her a babysitter.

"OK, then come in and sit down," Emily told her, as she unlocked the room and held the door open for the younger woman. "I'll make us some tea and then we can talk."

"I don't want any tea," Parker replied, rather bluntly, awkwardly perching herself on the edge of the bed and folding her arms.

"It might be easier to do this if you're a little more relaxed," Emily suggested gently.

"It'll take more than some tea to do that," Parker scoffed. "And anyway, you're not doing a cognitive interview."

"We need to get all the information we can on Campbell to build a profile so a cognitive interview might be our best option," she replied firmly but without being confrontational. She could understand Parker's unwillingness to effectively relive her own torture, but at the same time she had her instructions from Hotch and they had a job to do.

"Trust me, I can remember everything pretty clearly," Parker responded dryly, her hand subconsciously coming to rest over her scar as she spoke.

"Does it hurt?" Emily asked, taking a seat beside her on the bed.

"Not anymore; not really. It just feels like it does sometimes," she admitted, taken aback by her honesty.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" Emily asked, noticing that Parker already looked uncomfortable. "You could watch a little TV or something to calm down first."

"No, we need to do this now; we need to get to Campbell." _Before he hurts Edward_, she added in her own head.

"OK then, can you tell me a little of what Campbell's like?" Emily asked to ease them into the interview. She hated to think of it that way but right now Parker was a witness and a victim and she had a lot of questions to ask.

"He's…" she paused, unable to think of an adequate description. "I'm sorry, I just can't think where to start," she sighed.

"That's OK," Emily patiently assured her. "Why don't you start with what happened when he gave you that scar?"

"I... well…" she stammered, suddenly unable to tell the story she had held in her head for so long.

"Close your eyes," Emily instructed.

"No." Parker shook her head.

"Close your eyes and take a deep breath. You're safe here and I promise we can take a break whenever you want."

"I don't know if I can," Parker admitted fearfully, realising there was more to keeping quiet about Campbell than she had originally believed.

"Well I know that you can," Emily responded with a reassuring smile. She reached out and took hold of Parker's hand, gently prying the younger woman's fingers away from the comforter which she had been tightly gripping. "I'm right here with you. Just close your eyes and think back to the day Campbell hurt you."

Apprehensively, Parker closed her eyes, tightening her fingers around Emily's hand as she did so. She took a deep breath and began to speak.

_It was a warm day, in the middle of May, and Parker was sitting on a bench in the gardens across from the FBI building. She was squinting against the sun to read a text message on her cell. The grass had recently been cut and she breathed deeply, enjoying a small slice of heaven before she had to return to the office. The text was from Edward, asking her to meet him at the end of her lunch break. She smiled at the thought of even five minutes with him in the middle of the day. She'd tried to convince herself that it was just about the sex; that she didn't have any feelings for the older man. But for the past month she'd turned into a teenage girl at the mention of his name. She was falling for him. Hard._

_She waited for Edward in a quiet area, at the edge of the parking lot. It felt seedy to meet him there but as she stood in the warmth of the sun, anticipating the equally enjoyable warmth of his arms, she pushed that thought as far from her mind as possible._

_Suddenly, a voice caught her attention. It was a male voice but it wasn't Edward's. She turned in the direction of the voice but she couldn't see anything for the bright sunlight. And then she felt something connect with the back of her head and everything went dark._

"You're doing great," Emily reassured her, as Parker paused, anxiously drumming her free hand on the bed and chewing on her lip. "Are you OK to continue?"

_She came to somewhere dimly lit, and with a cold, hard floor pressed against her face. She could hear Edward's voice from the other side of the room._

_"Don't touch her," he hissed and his outburst was followed by a cruel laugh from someone else. _

_As she blinked and her vision became clearer, she saw that Edward was handcuffed to a chair with a man standing over him. Two other men lurked in the corners of the room. _

"What do they look like?" Emily's voice asked.

_The two men were in the shadows but she could see that they had dark hair and wore suits. They seemed familiar; she had the impression they could be agents she had worked with once or twice. The weapons they carried in holsters that were just visible under their jackets seemed to support her view. _

_The man beside Edward suddenly realised that she was awake and strode towards her. Before she knew what was happening he had roughly pulled her to her feet and was now staring menacingly into her eyes. It was Campbell. She felt fear course through her veins as he opened his mouth to speak to her. _

_"You'll get Agent Marsden to talk, won't you?" he smirked, pulling a knife from his pocket and roughly tearing open her shirt._

Parker didn't even realise that she was crying until Emily stopped her to give her time to compose herself. The older woman passed her a tissue and reassured her that she was safe and could stop at any moment. But all Parker could think was that she needed to keep going; she had to get everything out now or she would never do it.

_Campbell had started by knocking her around a little. He sat her down on a chair and asked her questions. When he didn't like the answer he responded with a slap to the cheek or a kick to the ribs. He lost his patience when she gave a particularly sarcastic reply and slammed his fist into her face. She was frightened. Her mouth and nose were filled with the metallic taste and smell of her own blood. But still she wouldn't say what he wanted. She knew that was more important than a few bruises or even some broken bones. _

_After several rounds with both Parker and Edward, Campbell was growing increasingly frustrated and angry. He screamed in Edward's face and then an unsettling quiet set in and he made his move for Parker._

_She was on her knees beside a trough of water before she knew what was happening. Ice cubes floated on the surface, maintaining the temperature so that the water would have the maximum impact. She knew what was coming, even before he roughly pulled her back by her hair. The first plunge into the water completely took her breath away. His hold alternated between her hair and her neck; she didn't know what was worse. With each thrust into the water it took her longer to regain her composure on surfacing. Dark spots appeared in her peripheral vision and then slowly drifted across the centre of her eyes. She thought she was going to drown in the icy water. _

_Somewhere in the middle of the torture she was sure she heard Edward screaming but still he wouldn't do as he was told. And as long as he held out then so would she. _

"Parker, are you OK?" Emily's voice once again penetrated her memories. She opened her eyes momentarily to assure the profiler that she wanted to keep going. Emily wasn't so sure that continuing was the best idea. Parker was trembling with tears falling freely down her cheeks. As she explained the water torture, she had been gasping for air, as though she had really been back there.

"We can stop if you want? Take a break and try again in a while?"

"No," Parker insisted with a defiant and determined shake of her head.

_She must have blacked out again because suddenly she was back on her chair, with Campbell tracing something up and down the centre of her chest._

_"Welcome back," he grinned, as she opened her eyes. His face told her that he was enjoying the fear he caused. He pressed what she could now see was a knife against her skin. Just above her heart. Just hard enough to break the skin. But not to kill her. Not yet, his eyes seemed to scream. _

_"Agent Marsden, I will ask you one more time to tell me about your involvement in the trafficking of heroin." _

_He didn't take his eyes off Parker, despite the fact he was addressing Edward, but she dared a glimpse towards her lover. She hated that term; it was so clichéd and so inadequate. But she couldn't think of another way to describe the married man she was willing to endure this pain for. Edward looked distraught. He stared at her with wide eyes as he muttered under his breath._

_"No, no! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry. No. Don't!" Over and over again he muttered the same phrases, apologising to the woman who was set to die for him and pleading with the monster not to kill her._

_Parker turned back to face Campbell; to look into the hateful eyes of the man who was about to murder her in some dingy basement. He slowly dragged the knife downwards, causing pain and fear with equal intensity. He laughed. And she began to scream. Her mouth opened wide and all her terror flew out in an ear-splitting wail. _

"Parker! Parker, listen to me!" Emily commanded as Parker's scream filled the room and the young agent lashed out and pulled away from her. "It's Emily and we're in the hotel room. You're safe. He's not here." She leaned forward and took hold of Parker's shoulders, grounding her back in the present moment. The shaking woman quietened and stopped resisting.

"I'm sorry," she croaked weakly, at the realisation she had been screaming.

"It's all right. You did nothing wrong," Emily assured her, pulling her close and cradling the younger woman's head against her shoulder. She stroked Parker's hair reassuring as she began to sob. "You did so well," she soothed. "You've given us so much useful information. And you're safe now. I promise."

She continued to rock gently back and forth, soothing Parker and reassuring her that she was safe, for quite some time. Only when Parker had gone quiet and the trembling had lessened, did Emily release her hold and encourage the young agent to lie down.

"Try to get some rest," she instructed gently, placing the comforter over Parker's body.

"I don't think I can," Parker whispered, exhaustion evident in her voice.

Before Emily could reply, a knock at the door pulled away her attention.

"Just stay there and I'll get it," she said, instinctively placing her hand on her weapon as she crossed the room to the door. They weren't expecting anyone. Cautiously, she opened the door.

"Miss Emily Prentiss?" the man on the other side of the door asked. He was dressed in the uniform of the staff from the hotel but still she kept one hand on her gun. "This was delivered to the front desk with the instruction to bring it to you." He held out a small package wrapped in brown paper. The clumsy way in which he handled it made her certain it wasn't some kind of explosive – if it were it would have exploded by now. With some hesitation she reached for it.

"Thank you," she said, as she examined the package and realised that while a note attached to the outside indicated it was to be brought to her room, the package itself was addressed to Parker.

"What is it?" Parker asked, appearing beside Emily, a little unsteady on her feet and unable to fully open her puffy, red eyes.

"I don't know but…" Emily trailed off as she turned the package over in her hands. Both she and Parker turned a shade paler at the sight before them and a sickening feeling stirred in Parker's stomach. Maybe they were already too late.

**A/N: And I also promise not to leave this cliffhanger for too long!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I hope that a few quick updates will make up for the massive delay, but if not then I apologise. I get too easily distracted by other story ideas, but I'm now determined to finish this off properly (still a bit more to go though!). Thanks to everyone who has read, followed favourited and reviewed so far. Please let me know what you think - reviews make my day! :)**

**/  
/**

Parker saw the neutral décor of the hotel room spin before her eyes, but as she began to lose her balance she felt Emily's steadying arm wrap around her shoulders.

"Come and sit down," she instructed, guiding the ghost of a girl back towards the bed.

"That's blood," Parker mumbled, her eyes regaining focus and fixing on the package which was staining Emily's free hand red.

"We don't know that it's human," Emily responded unconvincingly. "He might just be toying with you."

"Then open it," Parker instructed. Emily hesitated – she had a strong stomach, but she didn't particularly want to see the contents of the package. "If you won't then I will," Parker continued, standing up from the bed, ignoring the stars that swam around her eyes, and pulling a pocket knife from her jeans.

"Parker, I don't think…" Emily began to protest, but the younger agent had already taken the bloodstained package from her loose grip and was making her way to the bathroom. Emily followed.

Sitting the package on the edge of the sink, Parker braced herself for its contents and then carefully cut it open with the blade. Almost immediately she fell to her knees and vomited into the toilet. Emily froze in the doorway, her blood running cold as she too viewed the flesh and bone in the brown paper.

"It's his finger," Parker muttered breathlessly as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "He sent me Edward's finger."

"There's a note," Emily stated. Both women were too consumed by their own shock and disgust for their communication to be anything but disjointed, and it took Parker a moment to realise what Emily had said.

"What does it say?" she asked eventually, pulling herself to her feet.

Emily reached into the parcel, careful not to touch its gruesome contents, and retrieved a folded sheet of paper. Parker's name was written on the outside and in the strangeness of the moment, she briefly wondered whether it was rude to open another person's message from a serial killer before they had had a chance to look at it. She unfolded the paper and held it for them both to read.

_This is YOUR fault. YOU started it. YOU forced me to do this. It is all on YOU.  
Just like the beginning but this time it's HIS blood on YOUR hands._

"Do you know what it means?" Emily asked, trying to read something from Parker's vacant expression. She shook her head slowly in response.

"I'm going to go and sit down," she stated, turning away from the brunette and heading back into the bedroom. "You should probably call Hotch." Emily was about to go after her and try to offer her some comfort, but she decided a moment alone might be a better idea for her colleague. So she cleaned the blood from her hands and pulled out her cellphone to make the call to their boss.

It was only when she came to select his name from her list of contacts that she realised she was shaking. It was one thing coming across body parts at a crime scene but it was entirely different to have them delivered to your hotel room.

/  
/

"What's happened?" JJ asked, the second Hotch ended the call. The team had been working on their profile of Campbell from the precinct but had stopped and watched with concern when their unit chief had answered the incoming call. They knew from his expression and from what they had picked up from his side of the conversation that something bad had happened.

"That was Prentiss," he informed them, though they had already worked out that much. "A package containing a severed finger was just delivered to her hotel room. It was addressed to Parker." An assortment of gasps and stunned silences met his statement.

"Are they OK?" Rossi asked.

"They're a little shaken up but other than that they're fine," Hotch replied. "A forensics team are on their way over to collect the package and run tests on the finger, but I think it's a fair to assume that it's Marsden's."

"Was there any message or ransom demand sent with the package?" Reid piped up. Hotch nodded and read the message, which he had written down, to the others. "Do we know what it means?" Spencer continued.

"No, Parker hasn't said much since it was delivered so all we know is that he somehow blames her for what has happened." Hotch disliked how central his newest agent seemed to be in the twisted mind of this sick serial killer.

"What do we do now?" Morgan asked.

"We keep working on this profile," Hotch answered. "We need to work out his location and his next move. There's a chance Marsden is still alive, but it's now even more important that we find him quickly."

Agreeing with their boss, the team gradually returned to their tasks. This case was coming far too close to their own.

/  
/

The forensic scientists and accompanying police officers had been and gone, the evidence had been collected and the statements taken, and now Parker and Emily were once again alone in the hotel room. An uneasy silence hung between them. One agent didn't want to speak and the other didn't know what to say.

"Do you need anything?" Emily asked, as the quiet became unbearable. Parker silently shook her head. "Are you sure?" she tried again. This time she was met with a nod and then they returned to sitting on the bed and making no attempt at conversation.

"Is this karma?" came Parker's voice after a good quarter of an hour had passed. Emily turned to look at her, surprised by the sound and the question it asked.

"What do you mean?"

"For the affair. For committing adultery. For all the fucked up things Edward and I have done," the young woman replied, playing with the sleeves of her sweater and avoiding looking in her colleague's direction.

"No," came Emily's simple reply. "This is the fallout from some sick bastard's twisted mind." At Emily's words, Parker looked up from her sleeves.

"There's not a bit of you that thinks we brought this on ourselves?" she asked.

"Do I think you screwed up by sleeping with your superior? Yes, I do. Do I think that having a sexual relationship with a junior agent and cheating on your wife is sleazy? Of course I do. But none of that should result in being taken and tortured by a serial killer." The silence returned as Parker contemplated Emily's answer.

"It didn't always feel sleazy," she said calmly, after a pause. "He's a good man and he always treated me well. It didn't start out as a sexual thing."

"How did it start?" Emily asked gently. Hotch had asked her to find out all she could about Parker and Marsden's relationship and while it disgusted her to pry when her teammate was so vulnerable, she knew this was the best approach for getting answers.

"I got hurt during a case; I nearly died. And then when I woke up in the hospital he was there. And he was there every day after that until I returned to work. I wasn't stupid enough to think he'd leave his wife or anything like that. But it was nice and then it turned into something exciting. I got a buzz from the secrecy and I liked the way he made me feel." The hint of a smile brushed across her lips as she thought of waking up beside Edward. The last time had been less than twenty-four hours ago but it felt like part of another life.

Emily's mind thought back to the time she had spent as Lauren Reynolds and as she remembered the conflicting and confusing emotions of that period, she felt she could sympathise with the messy situation Parker had landed in.

"Do you think he's already dead?" Parker asked, a little tearfully. Emily shook her head.

"Campbell wants something else before he kills him," she answered honestly, the question being one which she had already given great consideration.

_"Me,"_ Parker thought, though she didn't share this with Emily. She'd known from the moment she read the note that taking Edward had a more personal motive than protecting a drug trafficking ring. And she had pretty good idea what had sparked it. Not that she'd let on to Emily. _"It's not their fight,"_ she told herself, as she continued to ply Emily with barely relevant tales of her affair. The dark haired profiler had been kind and she didn't like to play her in this way, but if she was going to find Campbell and Edward then she had to do it alone.

"Why don't you try to get some rest?" Emily asked, after they had talked for an hour or so. Parker leaned forward and rubbed her temples – an action which she had already carried out several times. "Headache?"

"Yeah, it's killing me," Parker responded, with a nod and a humourless chuckle. "Have you got any painkillers?" Emily shook her head, knowing that she had taken the last of the Tylenol she kept in her go bag earlier that day. Parker grimaced slightly as she leaned back in the bed. Emily noticed how uncomfortable she appeared.

"There's a small twenty-four hour shop at reception. Do you want me to run down and get you something?" she asked.

"You don't mind?" Parker asked quietly, not lifting her head from the pillows.

"It's not a problem," the older woman insisted. "Just stay lying down and don't answer the door," she instructed, before leaving Parker alone, as she hurried downstairs.

By the time she returned, the hotel room was empty and taking her colleague's place against the pillows was a sheet of hotel stationery.

_I'm sorry._


	22. Chapter 22

"Campbell! I know you're here! Come out where I can see you!" Parker shouted, her voice echoing around the hallway. She hoped she sounded sure of herself; she certainly didn't feel it. Her gun, which she was so used to carrying, suddenly felt heavy where she had tucked it into her waistband. And it was as though the metal was threatening to burn through her clothes and reveal the weapon to anyone who passed by. All the way to the apartment building she had been afraid of being stopped by the police. Everyone would know she was gone by now; in fact, they would probably have noticed within ten or fifteen minutes. But now she had reached her destination and there was no one to hide from or avoid. "Campbell!" she yelled again, hearing a slight quiver in her voice and resting a hand on her gun. She hadn't wanted to approach with her weapon drawn but as she heard movement from the darkness that cloaked the stairway she craved a degree of security.

"Nice to see you, Agent Strauss," his voice sang across the room. "I thought you might come and visit us after I sent you that little gift."

"Where is he?" she cried out, her voice heavy with anger and fear.

"Patience, patience," Campbell laughed as he drew nearer. Parker tightened her grip on her weapon and pulled it from her waistband. She raised her outstretched, shaking arms slightly but stopped short of pointing the gun directly at him. "I'd put that thing down if I were you," he added nodding towards the gun. "If you kill me, you'll have a bullet in your head before you take another step." She lowered her weapon to her side but couldn't bring herself to set it down.

"Where is he?" she whispered, desperation becoming more evident in her tone.

"Put the gun on the ground," he ordered. Slowly, and without taking her eyes off his sickening grin, she crouched down to the ground and placed her last defence at her feet. She straightened up with equal care, raising her hands in front of her to prove she was now unarmed. He chuckled as he came close to her and ran his fingertips along her jaw. "Just as I remembered. Tough agent when you've got your gun; scared little girl when it's taken away from you," he taunted. "Now take off your clothes," he demanded.

"Wh…what?" she stammered.

"I need to see if you're wearing a wire," he smiled, enjoying her discomfort. "On you go," he prompted. She slipped out of the zip-up sweatshirt that she had taken from Emily's room and dropped it onto a heap on the ground beside her.

"I'm not wearing a wire," she tried to assure him.

"Why would I believe you?" he grinned. "Do you need some help?" He grabbed hold of the bottom of her tank top and slowly pulled it up, taking great pleasure in the fact she was trembling. Then he took a knife from his pocket and cut through the bunched up garment, ripping it away from her body and throwing it to the ground. His eyes came to rest on the scar, which was only partly hidden by her bra, and his grin widened at the sight of his handiwork. Lightly he traced its shape with the tip of his knife.

"Please don't," she whispered, biting down painfully on her lip.

"Later," he promised sinisterly. "Right now I think it's time we paid lover boy a visit."

/  
/

"She's gone," Emily sighed, her phone pressed to her ear and her free hand running through her hair in a gesture of exasperation.

"What happened?" Hotch demanded, his frown evident even over a phone call.

"I was out of the room for less than ten minutes," she explained. "She said she had a headache; I ran down to the shop to get some Tylenol and when I got back she was gone. I can't believe I was so stupid!" She shook her head and sighed. "Hotch, I'm so sorry – I just wanted her to be able to get some rest."

"It's OK, Emily," Hotch sighed after a slight pause in which he could hear the threat of tears in his agent's breathing. She was really giving herself a hard time over this. "She'd have found a way to go after Campbell no matter what you did," he reassured her.

"Even so, I'm still sorry," she repeated with another sigh.

"We'll find her," he stated firmly. "Do you have a description of what she was wearing when she left that we can give the state police?"

"Errmm, she was wearing jeans," Emily began, closing her eyes to try to remember exactly how Parker had been dressed. "And she was wearing a green sweater but that's on the bed." She opened her eyes and glanced around the room. "My sweatshirt's gone. She must be wearing it. It's a zip-up and it's dark blue. It'll probably be too big on her."

"OK, I'll get her description out," Hotch replied. "Come and join us at the precinct and try not to blame yourself." He hung up and she slumped down on the bed. How could she not blame herself? Her one job had been to keep their youngest colleague safe and now that same person was going after a serial killer on her own. How could that be anyone else's fault?

/  
/

Prentiss was still berating herself over leaving Parker alone when she arrived at the precinct to join the rest of the team. JJ took one look at her friend's preoccupied expression and crossed the room to pull her into a tight hug.

"Emily, this isn't your fault," the blonde reassured her.

"Yes it is, JJ," she insisted. "How could I have been so stupid?" she muttered, shaking her head. "If Campbell hurts her…"

"Don't go there," JJ cut her off. "We're going to find Parker and Marsden and we're going to get Campbell." She gave Emily the most reassuring smile she could manage. Emily wasn't sure if JJ really believed what she was saying but, at the very least, she was jealous of her friend's ability to put on a show of confidence.

"Prentiss, did Parker say anything that might have indicated what Campbell's note meant?" Hotch asked, as the two female agents joined the others around the table.

"I can't think of anything," Emily answered honestly.

" She must have worked it out," Reid said. "I've been trying but it's obviously something personal to Parker, Marsden and Campbell. What were you talking about before she complained of a headache?"

"Her relationship with Marsden," Emily replied. "She was assigned to a team he was heading when she was fresh out of the academy. That's where they first met but he can't be holding Marsden on FBI property, can he?"

"I doubt it," Rossi answered. "We know the corruption runs deeper than Campbell but too many people now know what's going on for him to get into a building unseen."

"What other "beginning" could it refer to?" JJ thought aloud. "Somewhere Marsden and Parker went together when the affair started?"

"How would Campbell know something like that?" Morgan asked.

"He has tortured them both – he could know all kinds of details," Reid pointed out, simultaneously reminding everyone of the urgency in finding them.

"But it's unlikely that something like that would stick in Campbell's mind. It's just not symbolic enough," Emily sighed. "He enjoys making a show of things."

"What about somewhere to do with the beginning of the drugs investigation or when Marsden began investigating Campbell?" Rossi suggested.

"That would give us a large list of locations. It could refer to any place they conducted surveillance or carried out an operation. It must be more specific than that for Parker to have worked it out," Hotch replied.

"Are there any incidents that involve all three of them?" Reid suggested. "Campbell's behaviour suggests his primary focus has moved from concealing his involvement with the drug trafficking, to pursuing some kind of personal vendetta."

"It's possible they all worked together at some point before the drugs operation. I'll get Garcia on it," Morgan offered, calling her up on his open laptop.

"Oracle of wonder at your service," Garcia's voice sang from the speakers. "Oh no, what's happened?" Her tone changed at the sight of Morgan's furrowed brow.

"Parker's missing. She slipped out of the hotel and we're assuming she's gone after Campbell," he explained as Penelope looked more and more concerned.

"What can I do?" she asked, her expression and tone unusually serious.

"Can you check the Phoenix FBI office's records for any incidents involving Parker, Marsden and Campbell?"

"On it," she replied, her fingers moving furiously over the keyboard. "Got something!" she exclaimed after an uncomfortably quiet minute. "When Parker was just out of the academy there was an incident involving a small team of Phoenix agents, including Parker, Marsden and Campbell. They were called to an apartment and… oh poor girl!" she paused. "Parker was stabbed by a suspect at the scene. Campbell was meant to be supervising her and Marsden was heading the team. Marsden took disciplinary action against Campbell afterwards and it seems that it cost him a promotion."

"That must be when Parker and Marsden's affair started as well," Emily piped up. "She told me it started while she was recovering from an injury."

"Where did the incident take place?" Morgan asked.

"An apartment block on the outskirts of the city centre," Garcia replied almost instantly. "I'm sending you the address now. Do you think that's where they are?" she asked worriedly.

"We hope so," Rossi replied gravely. "It's the only lead we have." Garcia's concern became even more evident on her face.

"Don't worry, baby girl. We'll find her," Derek reassured her.

"You have to," Garcia stated forcefully. She could barely comprehend that they were in the situation where one of their own was in danger once again. "Keep me updated and stay safe," she added before signing off and leaving the team to set off and recover their missing colleague.

/  
/

"Edward," Campbell's voice called out across the empty apartment he had selected for his torture. "I've brought you a present."

"No!" Edward cried out, as Campbell appeared in the room, walking Parker in front of him with a gun pressed to her temple. Parker had tears in her eyes and she was shaking, partly out of fear and partly from the cold. Campbell hadn't allowed her to get dressed.

"That's no way to greet your little girlfriend," Campbell sneered. "She's come to join our party." He grabbed Parker by her hair and threw her to her knees. The thump echoed around the walls as she hit the ground. Holstering his weapon, he reached for a length of rope and proceeded to tightly bind Parker's wrists and then her ankles. Knowing it would be futile, she didn't resist.

"Don't hurt her," Edward pleaded as Campbell dragged Parker across the floor by her newly restrained wrists. He could see that she was in pain; she was biting so hard on her lip that it was starting to bleed. But she was determined not to give Campbell the satisfaction of making her scream.

"Why would I save all the fun for you?" He produced his knife and held it up for both of them to see. He traced the tip of the blade along Parker's jaw and then across her collarbone. He didn't apply enough pressure to leave a mark but he enjoyed watching the fear grow in her eyes and hearing Edward's continuing pleas. He pressed the knife against her existing scar and watched with glee as drops of crimson blood appeared and a whimper escaped her mouth. "Not just yet," he whispered as she prepared for him re-opening the remainder of the old wound. Instead, he raised his hand and, in one quick movement, slashed the knife across her arm. Her eyes grew wide but still she refused to scream.

"Stop!" Edward cried, making enough noise for both of them.

"Edward, it's OK," Parker breathed through the stinging pain of her arm and chest. "I'm OK." Edward quietened at her words, irritating Campbell who had been pleased by his distress.

"Feeling brave, are we?" He leaned close to her face. "I'm sure I can sort that out." He pocketed his knife and once again took hold of her bound wrists to drag her across the apartment. This time he continued to the bathroom. Her eyes grew wide with fear at the sight of the bath tub filled with water and ice.

"Please, no!" she begged as he positioned her on her knees at the side of the tub. He placed a rough hand on the back of her neck and leaned her over the edge, pausing just before her nose hit the water.

"Don't worry – I'll try not to let you drown," he laughed, submerging her head in the cold water.

Back in the other room Edward heard the splashing and struggling. And then, after what felt like an eternity, he heard her gasping for air before the whole process began again. He kicked out against his restraints in frustration that he couldn't help her. This was exactly what he had tried to protect her from. Now his only hope was that the BAU were as good as their reputation suggested. Right now, Parker needed her new colleagues more than ever.


	23. Chapter 23

Parker was barely conscious when Campbell dragged her back to the room. He threw her down on the ground beside Edward. She lay in a shivering heap, with her dripping hair forming a small puddle beneath her head. Edward grimaced at the sight of several angry cuts across her back and a bloody laceration above her left eye. He'd heard Campbell loose his patience and slam her into the edge of the tub when she hadn't reacted as he wanted her to. Campbell watched her for a moment and then smiled as he saw the look of pain on Edward's face.

"It's so much better now we've got some female company, isn't it?" he taunted Edward. "She's all yours until I return." With a final laugh he left the room and moments later Edward heard the sound of the front door of the apartment clicking shut.

"Parker," Edward called gently. "Parker, give me a sign that you're OK," he pleaded. She coughed, the harsh sound amplified by the empty apartment. That wasn't the reassuring response he had hoped for. "Come on; speak to me," he continued. She groaned quietly but then somehow found the strength to turn over onto her back and then onto her other side so that she was facing him.

"I'm still here," she croaked with a small smile. He pulled himself towards her and she leaned against his chest, grateful for the source of warmth.

"You're freezing!" he exclaimed as his cheek came into contact with her cold, damp skin.

"It's Phoenix in summer – I'll warm up soon enough," she laughed. "I'm more concerned about getting out of here alive," she added seriously.

"We'll get out," he assured her, kissing her forehead. With their hands tied behind their backs their movements were awkward but somehow she felt safe against his body. "Why did you come after me?" he sighed.

"He sent me your severed finger – was I meant to wait until it was your head?" He couldn't see her face but he knew she was raising her eyebrows.

"You should just have let him kill me," Edward muttered. She ignored him, not having the strength to point out how ridiculous that statement was. "It scares me when you're quiet," he stated anxiously after several minutes of silence.

"I'm tired," she sighed, her breath catching in her throat and causing her to cough violently. He tried to sit her up, which was not easy with his limited use of his arms. Her coughing subsided and she leaned heavily against his chest once more. He could see her eyelids flutter closed.

"You have to stay awake," he instructed, moving around to shake her into consciousness. She had a head injury and it seemed as though the water had caused some damage to her lungs – he couldn't risk letting her sleep.

"I'm awake," she whispered.

"Good. Stay that way. I can't entertain myself," he teased, trying to raise her spirits.

"Tell me a story," she mumbled.

"A story?" he questioned. She nodded.

"It'll help me stay awake." Her voice had just a hint of that sparkle that had drawn him towards her.

"OK," he agreed. "How about the one where two FBI agents escape from a monster's lair?" he smiled, longing to be able to stroke her hair and comfort her.

"I like the sound of that," she replied quietly, her exhaustion evident in her scratchy voice.

"Well, these two agents get trapped by a monster but then they get away, and then they realise that life is too important to waste chasing monsters. So they move away, to where there are no monsters, and they never read the newspapers or watch the TV and they live happily ever after."

"You suck at stories," she smiled weakly.

"So you don't want to know what else the agents do?" he teased.

"That sounded like the end of the story," she yawned.

"Why?" he asked, trying to keep her engaged in conversation.

"You said happily ever after."

"What do you think happily ever after means?"

"Don't know," she shrugged.

"Well, in this story, it's when the two agents decide to live on a farm…"

"In Montana?" she interrupted.

"OK, in Montana," he smiled.

"I always liked Montana," she whispered dreamily.

"So they buy this farm in Montana and then they get a dog to live with them on their farm. And they go for long walks in the countryside. And the younger agent tells the other agent that he's an old man because he wants such a simple life. But she's only teasing because she loves it there too. And she knows she'll have lots to keep her busy because she's having a baby and soon she'll be a mom. She tells him one night, while they sit in their kitchen and…"

"Is it a boy or a girl?" she cut him off again to ask her question. He smiled, relieved that she was still alert enough to respond.

"It's a girl," he replied softly. "And when she's born she looks just like her mom."

"Do they have more children?"

"They do," he nodded. "How many do you think they have?"

"Three more," she replied. "Two boys and another girl." Her voice grew weaker on each syllable but he could hear her smile.

"Right," he smiled too, picturing four children with Parker's eyes, running around the fields of a farm in Montana. "So they live happily ever after, with their four children, and their dog, and their farm in Montana. And the only things they ever have to chase are the crows that try to eat their crops." He paused, expecting another interruption. "And that is the end of the story," he added, prompting her when she remained silent. "Parker?" his voice pleaded as he adjusted his position, afraid she had fallen asleep. She moaned at the movement but couldn't seem to form any words. "Hang on, Parker. None of that can happen if we don't get away."

"Well isn't that just adorable," sneered a voice from the doorway. In his efforts to keep Parker conscious, Edward hadn't heard Campbell return. This time he was accompanied by two other men. Slowly, Campbell crossed the room to stand over his captives. The knife in his hand caught a ray of light which had broken through the boarded up window and glinted threateningly. "Such a shame story time's over."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Short chapter but I felt this stood alone rather than being part of the previous or next one. Hope you like it. Let me know what you think. And if you're enjoying this then check out the poll I've posted on my profile to help me decide what to write next. :)**

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Morgan was the first to burst through the door into the apartment. He followed the sound of voices straight through to what had once been a living area. He was met with the sight of Campbell pressing his knife to Parker's chest, while an unknown man held Marsden a few metres away, forcing him to watch what was about to happen. Parker was half-dressed, semi-conscious and tied to a chair. Multiple knife wounds were visible on her body and arms. A third man had a gun trained on Morgan himself.

"FBI! Put your weapons down!" Morgan demanded, knowing that Hotch and Prentiss were just behind him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Hotch was covering the man who was aiming at him and felt safe to turn all his attention to Campbell. "Campbell, drop the knife!" he instructed, trying to line up a shot that wouldn't also injure Parker. He saw that the other two men had surrendered their weapons and that Rossi and Reid had rushed forward to handcuff them. JJ was untying Edward.

"I'm not done yet," Campbell muttered, pressing the knife harder against Parker's already bleeding wound. Morgan noticed the movement of the man's muscles as he drew back his arm to gain the force he needed to stab her, and he knew he couldn't wait.

Parker was only aware of some of what was happening in the room. She could hear familiar voices and she could feel Campbell's knife against her chest, but her vision was fuzzy and she could hardly hold up the weight of her head. Then suddenly, a loud bang erupted and she instantly felt something hot and sticky cover her face. She couldn't see at all and she panicked, struggling against her restraints, since she couldn't clear her vision with her wrists tied behind the chair.

"It's OK," soothed a voice as she felt someone wipe the sticky covering from her eyes, nose and mouth. "We've got you now." Emily's face appeared before her as she blinked and her sight became clear. She could feel someone else untying the bindings around her wrists. At the first feeling of freedom she immediately pulled her arms forward and let out a small cry as pain shot through her muscles.

"Take it easy, kid," Derek warned as he moved onto the ties which attached her ankles to the legs of the chair.

"Where's Edward?" Parker croaked, suddenly, realising she couldn't remember when she saw him last.

"I'm right here," he called, pushing past Rossi, who had been trying to convince him to head outside to meet the waiting paramedics. "I'm right here," he repeated as he crouched down beside her and took hold of her recently freed hand.

"Campbell?" she asked, too weak to form full sentences.

"He's dead; it's over," Edward assured her, reaching out to push hair behind her ear and grimacing slightly as he realised it was covered in Campbell's blood. She opened her mouth to speak but began to cough, the spasms rattling her whole body. "She needs to get to a hospital," he informed Prentiss and Morgan, as if they weren't aware of that fact.

"We've got her," Morgan assured him. "Get yourself checked out."

"I'll be right in front of you," he assured Parker, before heading back towards Rossi. "Take care of her," he instructed Morgan. Morgan nodded and patted him on the shoulder before turning his attention back to his young colleague.

"Do you think you can walk?" he asked. Parker tried to get to her feet, with Derek standing on one side and Emily on the other. Almost instantly, her legs buckled, but her colleagues had a firm grip of her. They carefully lowered her back onto the chair. "It's OK," Derek reassured her. "These muscles aren't just for show – I can carry you out of here no problem," he grinned.

"Ma'am, I brought this for you," a uniformed police officer announced, passing Emily a silver trauma blanket, which she thanked him for, and wrapped around Parker's shoulders. Parker gave her a weak smile in response.

"Just hang on a little longer, and then this will all be over," she assured the young agent as Derek carefully scooped her into his arms and cradled her against his chest. Parker felt her vision blur once again as she sunk into his arms. The blanket and his hold warmed her enough that she had finally stopped shivering and it was so easy just to close her eyes…

"Just try to stay awake for now, kid," Morgan's voice instructed as he moved as quickly as he could through the apartment building. Emily was at their side, shouting for the uniformed officers in the downstairs hallway to fetch the paramedics.

"How is she?" JJ's worried voice joined the others as Parker felt the change in air temperature and the feeling of sunlight on her face. Her eyes fluttered open and she was aware of lots of people rushing around. She didn't catch Morgan's reply because Edward's presence in the crowd caught her attention. He smiled as he noticed she was looking at him. He started towards her, pushing aside the medic who had been trying to examine him. She returned a smile, images of a Montana farm and four small children playing out in her mind.

And then there was a popping noise and Edward was no longer walking towards her, but falling to the ground. Another pop exploded and she too felt herself tumbling towards the sun scorched grass. Just before she lost consciousness her eyes met his. A sadness pierced her body as he gazed back with a cold, glassy look and a trickle of red flowing from the corner of his mouth. And then everything was dark.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Not a doctor or anything remotely like that. All medical stuff comes from religiously watching Grey's Anatomy and ER and doing lots of googling to make this as believable as possible!  
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It was the sound of JJ's voice that caused Parker to stir from her unconscious state. Her colleague was talking to someone. Hotch, she discerned, as she became more aware of her surroundings.

"Any news?" JJ asked quietly.

"Still in surgery," Hotch's low, hushed voice responded. "But Reid's fine – his vest caught the bullet and his wrist isn't broken."

"Reid got shot?" Parker's voice didn't sound as she expected and she was slightly startled by the sound of the muffled squeaks and croaks which escaped her throat. Her hand reached instinctively towards the device covering her mouth and nose and she tried to pull it away.

"Hey, hey, you need to leave that where it is," JJ instructed softly, as she readjusted the oxygen mask and gently restrained Parker's arm. "That's better," she soothed when Parker stopped struggling.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to wake you," Hotch apologised, coming to stand at the other side of her hospital bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Reid?" she asked, from under the mask, gaining better control of her vocal chords and ignoring Hotch's question.

"He's fine," JJ assured her with a smile.

"Who's in surgery?" Parker persisted, though she could hardly keep her eyes open.

"You don't need to worry about anyone else right now," JJ insisted, gently stroking Parker's head. "Just close your eyes and try to get some rest." Parker's concern for whoever else was hurt gradually faded as she was pulled back under by a combination of drugs and exhaustion. JJ and Hotch watched as her breathing became more slow and regular and they were satisfied that she was asleep.

"I'm going to get back to the waiting room. I'll come and find you when there's news," Hotch whispered. JJ nodded in agreement.

"Hotch, what do I tell her if she wakes up again?" she asked, before her boss left the room. Hotch sighed and shook his head.

"Tell her whatever you think is right; she's probably going to be too out of it for the next while to understand much anyway," he replied. JJ nodded again. "And you should try and get some rest too," he instructed with a small smile. "That's an order."

"Yes, sir," she responded, with an unconvincing laugh as Hotch turned to leave.

/  
/

Rossi was sitting in the surgical waiting room on his own when Reid made his way along the dimly lit corridor to join him. Rossi looked up at the sound of someone approaching, expecting it to be a doctor with news on his colleagues.

"Just me," Reid remarked with an anxious smile, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders.

"Glad to see you on your feet," Rossi replied. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Reid answered, crossing the empty room to take a seat beside his colleague. "Any news on the others?"

"Prentiss is still in surgery – we're waiting on an update. Parker's in the ICU, but she's breathing on her own and JJ's staying with her. Hotch just went to check on them," Rossi informed him.

"Has anyone told Parker about Marsden?" Reid asked with a frown.

"Not yet," came a voice from the door to the waiting room and Hotch entered to join them. "She woke up briefly but she's on high doses of painkillers so she's not alert enough to understand much."

"How have we ended up here again?" Rossi sighed, shaking his head. They had spent far too many long and worry-filled nights in hospital waiting rooms. Before anyone could voice an opinion on the matter they were joined by a woman wearing blue scrubs. The latest addition to the quiet room had their full attention.

"Agent Hotchner?" she asked.

"That's me," Hotch responded, stepping towards her.

"I was instructed to update you on Agent Prentiss's condition," the doctor began. "We've just moved her to recovery and she's doing well. The surgery was a success and we managed to remove the bullet – it's been collected as evidence by the Phoenix police department. Agent Prentiss should be awake shortly and there isn't expected to be any permanent damage to her range of motion."

"How long will she be out of the field?" Rossi asked, knowing it would be the first question on Emily's mind.

"That all depends on how she responds to physiotherapy. Any damage to the bone has been repaired with metal pins and screws but she has some work ahead of her."

"Can we see her?" Reid enquired, as Derek rejoined the group. He had been outside, hoping some fresh air would help him cool off and process the events of the day.

"I'll have to check with his surgeons but I can do that now and send someone along to take you to Agent Prentiss once she's settled in a room."

"Thank you," Hotch responded, shaking the doctor's hand. It was a horrific night but at least they were all still alive.

/  
/

When Emily slowly opened her eyes, it was Rossi she found sitting by her bed. Multiple thoughts fired around her head as she remembered what had happened. Marsden was dead on the ground and then Morgan had dropped to the floor with Parker. She hadn't even fully drawn her weapon when a piercing heat struck her shoulder. She'd somehow stayed on her feet and returned fire with her one good arm. Reid had been beside her and then suddenly he wasn't and she'd fired off her final few rounds before she too collapsed to the ground. And at that point she must have blacked out. Desperate to know what had happened to her friends, she shot upright and instantly felt the earlier pain return.

"Arrghh!" she hissed, as Rossi eased her back against the pillow.

"You were shot," he told her, in case she didn't remember. "You're just out of surgery but you're going to be OK." Emily didn't care about herself. She knew she'd been shot and she knew she was alive but she still had no information on the others.

"How's everyone else?" she asked, her throat feeling dry and scratchy, presumably as a result of being intubated for the surgery.

"Everyone's alive," Rossi assured her, to prevent unnecessary panic in the time it would take to go into specifics. "Reid's up and walking around and Parker is stable. Everyone else got away with a few scrapes and bruises."

"What does stable mean?" She may just have come round from an anaesthetic but her mind was already sharp enough to tell he was trying to be gentle with her rather than giving her the full story.

"She's in the ICU," he admitted. "It looks like she aspirated some water so she's having some problems with her lungs."

"As well as all those knife wounds," Emily muttered dryly, wincing at the image of her young colleague's mutilated body.

"Don't worry she's sedated and on plenty of pain relief," Rossi informed her, comfortingly squeezing her hand. "How's your pain?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Emily insisted with her usual unfaltering resolve. "I just need to get out of here."

"Maybe give it at least a couple of hours?" Rossi laughed, relieved that despite her near death experience Emily was still completely herself.

/  
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JJ had been sitting with Parker for a couple more hours before Reid joined her in the quiet room. The blonde profiler had been resting her head on her arm and closing her eyes but looked up at the sound of someone in the doorway.

"Sorry, I didn't think you'd be sleeping," Reid apologised. JJ smiled weakly and shook her head.

"I wasn't," she assured him. "I was trying to but it didn't seem to be happening."

"How is she?" he asked.

"Same as before," JJ replied. "Stable but still drugged up. Her doctors were worried about the risk of infection so she's now on antibiotics as well as the rest of this stuff." She indicated the vast array of wires and drips connected to Parker's small frame. "How are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Spencer replied, a little too quickly to be convincing. JJ raised her eyebrows. "I'm a little bit sore but I'm OK," he corrected.

"What you, Emily and Derek did was really brave," she told him sincerely. While Derek had dropped to the ground and shielded Parker from the onslaught of bullets that rained down on them from the apartment building, Emily and Spencer had positioned themselves in front of their colleagues and returned fire towards the source of the attack. Between them they had managed to end the assault. One gunman was in custody, having been treated for a gunshot wound to the arm and the other had died on scene.

"Any of us would have done the same," he replied, blushing slightly. The paramedics, doctors and nurses had already felt the need to tell him how brave his actions had been but it only made him uncomfortable.

"Well at the very least, it'll be a while before any of us tease you about your aim again," she responded with a slight smile. "Who knew Doctor Spencer Reid could be such a crackshot?" He laughed a little at her comment but his eyes remained serious.

"I think it's fair to assume that an element of luck was involved," he remarked. "And if I was a better shot then I'd have managed to disarm him rather than killing him."

"Spencer, we were all under fire and civilians were at risk as well. You did what had to be done and you saved lives. Including Parker's," she reminded him, turning towards the young agent who was beginning to move around in her sleep. Killing a suspect was never the desired outcome, and she understood the complicated emotions which came along with doing so, but sometimes there was no option. Reid had done exactly what was necessary.

"We didn't save the life that she'll care about," he sighed, referring to Marsden.

"We didn't know there was anyone else in the building; we couldn't have seen that attack coming," JJ stated. They were all feeling the shock that the hostage they had rescued had been killed moments after his release, but no one had done anything wrong. They had no warning of the armed men who had been lying in wait and by the time they became aware of the threat it was already too late.

"Do you think she'll see it in that way?" Reid asked, his unanswerable question hanging in the air.

Before either agent could say anything more, their attention was taken by the flailing movements and the groan which came from the hospital bed. Parker's eyes opened, and her face was once more coated in panic and confusion.

"It's OK; you're safe," JJ soothed, taking up her position by Parker's side once again. Parker relaxed at JJ's touch and blinked in the sights around her. She was far more alert than before and carefully pushed back the oxygen mask before she spoke.

"What happened?" she croaked, her eyes darting between her two colleagues. From their expressions it was clear that whatever it was, it was nothing good.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I think I'm nearing the end of this now. I have ideas which I would rather put into a sequel than keep as a continuation and which involve going back on a statement I made earlier in this story. Anyway, I hope you like the latest update :)**

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JJ and Reid exchanged an uneasy glance – neither agent knew where to begin and were reluctant to tell their colleague that Edward Marsden was dead.

"How are you feeling?" JJ asked, temporarily avoiding Parker's question, while Reid pulled up a chair at the opposite side of her bed.

"Tired," she replied quietly. Her head felt fuzzy and she didn't think she had the energy to sit up in her bed.

"Are you in any pain?" Spencer asked, carefully watching her face for signs of discomfort. She shook her head but frowned slightly at the movement. It wasn't exactly an identifiable pain that she felt, but her body didn't feel like it should. "Are you sure?" he pressed.

"Just feels strange when I move," she replied. "What happened?" she repeated, once again looking to both Spencer and JJ for answers. Her eyelids were heavy and breathing seemed to require a conscious effort. She didn't have the strength for a long conversation.

"What do you remember?" JJ asked gently.

"Campbell," she began. "He had Edward. But he wanted us both." She kept her sentences short as she was already feeling breathless and was too exhausted to form more words. "He wanted to kill me and…" she paused to gasp in some air. "Make him watch." She coughed as her breath caught in her thought. "Edward?" she questioned, before Spencer eased the oxygen mask back over her mouth and nose in an attempt to help her catch her breath. Her eyes reflected her pain as she desperately tried to recall the last time she had seen him.

"Take some deep breaths," Reid instructed, trying to calm her erratic breathing. The last thing she needed was to panic.

"Edward," she mouthed from under the mask. His name was no longer an enquiry but rather a sorrowful gasp as she remembered the last time her eyes met his. "No," she whispered, screwing up her face against the tears that spilled from her half-closed eyes. A few sobs wracked her chest and Reid was immediately aware that the numbers and lines on her monitors were beginning to fluctuate.

"Get a doctor," he urgently instructed JJ. The blonde profiler dashed out into the corridor and his attention returned to Parker. "Look at me; breathe with me," he told her, ensuring that they locked gazes. He breathed in and out, slowly and deliberately, and she tried to fight against the sobs and do the same. "You're fine – just keep breathing with me." His eyes flicked up to the monitors which showed that, despite his attempts to keep her calm, her distress was affecting her oxygen levels.

"What's going on?" A middle aged man wearing scrubs rushed into the room, accompanied by JJ and a young nurse.

"She remembered what happened and started to get upset. She's struggling to breathe and her oxygen level is falling," Reid explained. He was quickly pushed aside by the doctor and nurse.

"Miss Strauss," the doctor addressed his patient. Both Reid and JJ fought the urge to remind him she was an FBI agent. "I'm going to give you something to help you relax. We need to control your breathing." The nurse handed him a syringe, which he injected into her IV. Almost instantly her eyes fluttered shut and her muscles relaxed. And then, thankfully, her breathing evened out into a regular and steady rhythm.

"Is she OK?" JJ asked. She and Spencer had found themselves standing side by side and watching with concern as the medical professionals worked.

"Her oxygen saturation is already improving," the doctor assured them. "We'll keep an eye on her, but she should be fine if she's kept calm until she's stronger. I'll be back in a while to check up on her," he added.

"Thank you," JJ told him, unsure what else to say. He nodded, before he and the nurse left the room. "Spence…" she breathed, when they were left alone. "What are we going to do?"

"She's going to be OK," Spencer reassured his friend, though he too felt helpless in his inability to make things better. "You've been here all night – why don't you go back to the hotel and try to get some sleep?"

"I told Hotch I'd stay here," she replied.

"I can take over," he insisted, thinking of the last time he had stayed with Parker and how out of proportion his concerns about her excessive consumption of alcohol had been in comparison to the current condition of her health.

"Are you sure?" she questioned. "You haven't slept either and you were hurt." She was exhausted and lying down for a few hours was tempting. But it felt selfish to leave when Reid was staying.

"I'm fine and I'm sure," he assured her.

"Thanks, Spence," she replied, agreeing but with hesitation evident on her face. "I'll be back in a while and then you can go and get some rest," she promised, giving him a hug before she left the room.

Spencer settled himself in one of the chairs beside Parker's bed and watched her as she slept. He couldn't help but wonder whether she would have come to them for help if he and JJ hadn't reacted so badly when it had been revealed that she was working for Erin. Maybe she wouldn't have gone after Campbell alone if she had really trusted her colleagues. But he reminded himself that there was nothing he could do to change the past; what mattered now was that he was there for her recovery. He was the only one in the team who had witnessed Parker's coping mechanism of self-destruction in the past and he wasn't going to let her take risks like that again. He'd make sure that she always had someone to turn to.

/  
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Hours passed and Spencer still remained by Parker's bedside. Under the effect of the sedative, she slept peacefully for the most part. Occasionally she would twitch in her sleep and he would prepare himself to comfort her – if that was even possible – but she always settled again. He tried to distract himself from his concern and from remembering the events of the previous day. However, he found himself unable to concentrate on the pages and the book remained closed on his lap as he watched the sun rising outside.

It was almost daylight when Parker began to wake. Reid noticed her wriggling uncomfortably in the bed as soon as she began to move.

"Hi," he greeted her, with a gentle smile on his face. He leaned closer and, somewhat awkwardly, placed his hand over hers.

"Hey," she mouthed back, as her eyes adjusted to the light. Both seemed to remember the problems talking had previously caused her and she didn't attempt to say anything more. A hint of the pain she had experienced upon remembering Edward's death was visible in her eyes but her expression showed no other trace of emotion.

"Are you feeling OK?" Spencer asked, determining that closed questions provided an easier way to communicate. She nodded in response.

"You're not in any pain?" he continued. She shook her head. "Good. Do you need anything?" he added and she shook her head again.

A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed and when he began to feel awkward Spencer started to babble.

"JJ's just gone back to the hotel for a while," he informed her. "But she'll be back soon and I'm sure everyone else will want to see you. If you're feeling up to it, that is. You might just want to sleep – do you want to go back to sleep?" He paused but she indicated that she didn't want to sleep. "I brought this book out," he continued. "But I couldn't seem to concentrate. There's something about hospitals that affect my concentration. Maybe it's the lights or it could just be…" He was cut off by the sensation of her fingers tightening around his hand.

"Spencer," she whispered as he fell quiet. He watched her closely and she lifted her free arm and pointed to the book.

"Do you want me to read to you?" he asked, trying to interpret her action. She nodded. He thought of all the times he had read to his mother and those that she had read to him. "It might not be very interesting to you," he warned, suddenly embarrassed by his unusual taste in reading material. The look she gave him told him that she didn't care.

"OK," he agreed, opening the text to the first page and, in a voice that was far calmer than his uneasy wittering, he began to read aloud.

/  
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Parker tried to block out all the thoughts in her head and all the other sounds in the room and just focus on Reid's voice. He was right – she wasn't particularly interested in whichever highbrow novel he was reading – but the sound of a familiar voice and the rhythm of the words was soothing. And if she concentrated fully on each sentence and phrase that left his mouth then the image of Edward's cold, glassy stare temporarily left her drug-addled mind.

For all the time that passed between waking and being pulled back under by her own exhaustion and the heavy cocktail of painkillers and sedatives, she only allowed herself to think of two things. The steady in and out of her somewhat laboured breathing, and the rise and fall of Spencer Reid's soft voice. She would put off thinking of anything else for as long as her mind allowed.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I have seriously neglected this story, which is a bit stupid since I only have one chapter left after this one, so I apologise profusely for the delay. The last chapter will be up soon (since I am back at uni soon and this is on my list of things to do before then) and I have ideas for a sequel with Spencer and Parker's friendship developing into something more (although not immediately given that the guy she was with just died!). I'm definitely going to write it at some point but please let me know if you're interested because I have so many story ideas right now! **

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and feel free to let me know what you think :)**

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"I brought you something new today," Spencer announced as he settled himself in the chair by Parker's bed for the third day in a row and pulled a book from his messenger bag. "I still don't really know what you like to read, but JJ recommended this, so I found a bookstore. The only other book I had with me was a non-fictional work on quantum physics," he continued, filling the silence.

Parker gave him a weak nod in acknowledgement that he had spoken, but the blank expression which she had worn for days remained. She no longer had the excuse of the oxygen mask for not talking, since the previous day it had been replaced with a nasal cannula, but that didn't make her want to engage in conversation. Her lungs were healing but that didn't mean she had anything she wanted to say. She'd already given her statement to the police and that was more than enough.

"Are you feeling any better today?" he asked.

Just as Reid expected, she simply nodded in response. He wished she would say more but he knew not to push – he knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of the concern and sympathy of the entire team. It was overwhelming and she was already struggling to cope, so he wouldn't add to that.

"Do you need anything before I start reading?"

She didn't like being in the position where she had to ask for help but the nurse had inadvertently placed the water jug further than she could comfortably reach. And her dry throat was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

"I'm kind of thirsty," she croaked. "Could I have something to drink?"

Reid was momentarily surprised to hear her voice. It was far from being a conversation but it was more words than Parker had spoken since the day she had woken up.

"Of course," he replied hurriedly, as if anything but an overly enthusiastic response would undo the progress that her simple request had achieved. "Do you want water? Or I could go and get you some tea? That might make your throat feel better. Or what about a soda or something with some calories in it? Do you want something to eat as well?"

"Water's fine," she replied, before he could begin to list the contents of the cafeteria and vending machines.

He poured some water into the plastic cup which sat beside the jug and she envied his ability to do such a simple task. The many doctors, who spent their days poking and prodding at her, had explained that she had a long road of rehabilitation and physiotherapy ahead of her. It was likely she'd be highly susceptible to chest infections due to the damage the near-drowning had caused to her lungs. And, in the short term, she had to deal with an assortment of wounds – some of which were deep enough to cause damage to her tendons and muscles. Currently she couldn't sit up without assistance and anything further than an arm's length away was out of reach to her.

But her physical injuries were only part of the problem. If she was given enough morphine then the pain would all but disappear. What really hurt was the fact that Edward was dead and she was still alive. There weren't any drugs that would change that.

"Here you go." Spencer handed her the cup of water and helped her to sit further forward so that she could drink. He adjusted her pillows so that she could maintain her current position independently.

Parker wondered how he knew exactly what to do. He was the only person who could help her without being smothering. She suspected he'd been through some kind of trauma that made him understand how it felt to be treated like an exhibit in a museum of "survivors". A week ago she'd have asked him – out of both curiosity and to make sure this wasn't too tough on him – but now she feared it would lead to the kind of conversation she was avoiding.

She thanked him for the water and then leaned her aching body into the pillows. He positioned himself in the chair and opened the new book. And though Parker didn't utter another word for several hours, they both knew that this was helping.

/  
/

A couple more days passed and it seemed that the others deemed Parker strong enough to deal with visitors. Gradually she was forced to spend more time speaking to her colleagues. She was still quiet, but simple gestures such as nodding her head were no longer accepted as adequate responses. It was for the best she supposed; she didn't intend to become some kind of a recluse permanently. But the only times of the day she found tolerable were those when she was alone, or when Spencer was reading to her.

Today was the day of Edward's funeral. She of course couldn't leave the hospital – not that she'd be welcome amongst his family if she were able to attend – but most of the team would be at the service. Spencer and Emily were staying behind to keep her company, or offer her support, or whatever else it was that someone required when the man they'd had an affair with was being buried. In truth, part of the reason for Emily being there was that, despite her insistence that she was fine, six days after being shot, she still wasn't really up to standing at a graveside. The two were currently sitting in Parker's room while Spencer fetched them some lunch.

"I'm sorry for getting you shot," Parker apologised after all small talk had dried up.

"You didn't get me shot; the man who fired the gun was responsible for that," Emily replied.

"Then I'm sorry for lying to you and running off."

"You should have come to us," the older woman agreed.

Parker didn't have a response to that. She wasn't entirely sure if she regretted her decision to go it alone or not. Maybe Edward would still be alive if she'd followed orders and stuck with her team.

"But while it might have stopped you getting hurt, Campbell would still have made sure Marsden ended up dead," Emily continued, as though she read Parker's mind. "Nothing would have changed that," she added firmly.

Again Parker didn't respond. Luckily she was spared having to do so, because Reid arrived with a tray from the cafeteria. He sat the tray on the end of the bed and then passed a sandwich to Emily, before setting Parker's selection of food on the table in front of her.

"Today you have soup and two different flavours of jello," he said with a smile.

"You know you're the only one who likes jello, Spencer?" Emily remarked dryly, flashing a teasing smile in Spencer's direction.

Parker stared at the unappetizing container of soup and screwed up her face. Hospital food was bad at the best of times, but it seemed a hundred times worse when she was only allowed to eat items approved by her doctors. For now the restriction on solid foods remained.

"I'm really not very hungry," she muttered.

"Don't even try that," Emily responded immediately. "If I have to hold you down and force feed you then I will. You need to eat."

"Did you ever consider becoming a nurse?" Parker muttered sarcastically, as she reluctantly took the top off the container and picked up the plastic spoon. "You have a great bedside manner."

Emily and Spencer shared a surprised smile as Parker turned her attention to her lunch. It wasn't exactly some kind of magical transformation but it was the closest to cracking a joke Parker had managed for some time.

"What?" she glowered when she caught sight of the other two smiling.

"Nothing," Spencer replied quickly.

"How's your soup?" Emily asked, a hint of teasing evident in her voice.

"Wonderful," Parker responded, rolling her eyes.

They didn't risk a glancing at one another in case Parker saw, but both Emily and Spencer were thinking the same thing. Sarcasm was much better than silence. Maybe in a few more days they'd be able to achieve a smile.

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"So I hear you might be getting out of here in a day or two," JJ smiled as she arrived in Parker's room to take her turn at visiting. It was now over a week since they had rescued her from the apartment building and preparations were being made for returning to Virginia.

"That's what I've been told," Parker replied with a shrug.

"Then I thought it might be time for you to try out some of your own clothes," JJ continued, holding up Parker's go-bag.

"Thanks," she replied, rather flatly. If JJ had dropped by a few hours earlier then Parker might have been more enthusiastic, but her session with a psychologist had dampened her mood.

"Are you OK?" JJ asked, perching on the end of the bed.

"Fine," Parker shrugged dismissively.

"Spencer will be here soon and he's been trawling that bookstore again," she informed the younger agent, trying to draw out even the hint of a smile. Her attempt was unsuccessful.

"JJ, I appreciate you bringing my stuff here but I'm not really in the mood to chat today," Parker responded with a sigh.

JJ frowned. There had been a couple of moments in the past few days where it had seemed they had been getting through to Parker, but it didn't seem like that was likely today.

"I'll go and get us something to drink then," she suggested. "Do you want some tea?"

"I don't even like tea," Parker muttered. She felt like she was swimming in the liquid, since every visitor seemed to think it would miraculously make her feel better.

"OK, I'll get myself a coffee and come back later," JJ responded calmly, standing up to leave.

"I'd rather just be on my own," Parker snapped, her voice sounding more vicious than she intended.

Without another word, JJ obeyed her wishes. It wasn't worth arguing with her when she was obviously hurting. Parker felt bad as the blonde woman walked away, but her desire to be alone outweighed her desire to apologise so she remained quiet and hoped JJ didn't take it personally.

By the time Spencer arrived, Parker had descended into a state which involved equal measures of self-pity and self-loathing. However she was now wearing her own pyjamas rather than a hospital gown, a fact which Reid made a mental note to pass on to JJ.

"I'm not very good company," she warned, as he pulled up his usual chair. "I've already bitten JJ's head off today."

"I know," he replied. "She called me; she was worried."

"I didn't mean to worry her," Parker sighed.

"I know."

"Is there anything you don't know?" she asked, the ghost of a smile playing on her lips.

"No," he grinned, taking a seat and retrieving the latest book from his bag.

"Does it get better?" she asked suddenly.

"Does what get better?"

"This – recovering, the guilt… I don't know. Life?" she shrugged.

He watched her closely as she opened herself up to have the first real conversation about what had happened. But he didn't want to force it.

"Yes," he replied, sincerity clear in his voice. Even after Hankel, and after he and Emily were trapped in that cult's compound, and after every other terrible thing he had been through, he could honestly tell her that things would get better. Somehow they always did.

As she thought about his answer, his fingers ran up and down the front cover of the book, ready to turn to the first page and begin to read if he needed to. But her response told him that tonight she didn't need someone else's story.

"Spencer," she began slowly. "I think I'd like to talk. Just for a little while."


	28. Chapter 28

It was still morning but it was already heating up to be a scorching hot day, and Parker stood alone in a cemetery on the outskirts of Phoenix. It was strange to see his name etched upon the grave stone; it was so final. Feeling her weak legs beginning to tremble from standing for longer than she had in twelve days, she carefully crouched down and placed the flowers she clutched in her hand beside the others. The wreath from his wife caught her eye and she wondered what Marie had felt as she stood here. Was she grieving for the man she had already decided to leave? Or had she simply maintained a dignified silence as her "husband" was honoured as a hero by the same people who had held him at the centre of their witch hunt for so long?

Having nothing to say to the piece of stone in front of her, Parker got to her feet, stumbling slightly as she did so. She had to hold her breath as her body contracted with pain at the simple movement, and she was sure the dizziness was about to force her back to the ground. But before she could fall, a strong arm took hold of hers, steadying her and leading her over to a nearby bench.

"Is it time to go?" she asked, turning to look at the serious face of Aaron Hotchner.

"We can sit here for a moment," he replied. "Are you OK?" His frown deepened with concern as he was reminded how weak his youngest agent remained as a result of her injuries.

"Yeah," she nodded, looking anywhere but his questioning eyes.

He watched her distractedly tearing a leaf into shreds and wished he could offer her comfort. In the short time he had known the girl she'd been through more than most people would endure in their lives. But maybe that was what made her such a good fit for his team.

"What's going to happen to me when we get back?" she asked, gazing off into the middle distance and avoiding looking the unit chief in the eye as she spoke.

"We don't have to talk about that now," he replied.

"Are you taking disciplinary action?" she pressed, ignoring his statement. She had disobeyed orders and whether it was directly attributable to her actions or not, other members of the team had been injured. She knew she was likely to be in trouble.

"Yes," he responded, honestly. "The decision came from above but I can't say I disagree." He watched her reaction, unsure what to expect, but she simply nodded slowly.

"Suspension?"

"It's likely," he informed her. Internal affairs were still in the process of investigating everyone who had been involved with the drugs taskforce – Parker's mother had already been arrested and charged over her role in the cover up – but Hotch knew that, despite her flaws, Parker was clean. Once she was cleared she'd have to face her superiors and explain why she had disobeyed Hotch's orders and slipped away from Emily. He would make sure she was treated fairly but that didn't mean she'd get preferential treatment. Had he not been so sympathetic towards her after her ordeal he'd have been a lot angrier and his harsher side knew that she needed a sharp reminder of the rules surrounding rank.

"OK," she replied calmly. It wasn't entirely unexpected.

"Parker, I'm not giving up on you," Hotch stated. His voice was uncharacteristically heavy with emotion.

She turned to look at him once again with a slightly puzzled expression on her face.

"Why?" she responded with a humourless chuckle.

"You have potential. You're far from being the perfect agent and you need to learn to take an order, but I still believe you could do well in this unit."

"Thank you, sir," she smiled sincerely.

"Don't thank me yet," he replied. "You've got a long way to go, and I have my conditions."

"What are they?"

"I need you to be ready to join a team. I need you to trust that the others have your back and I need them to be able to trust you. Do you think you'll be able to do that?"

Pausing for a moment she turned her face towards the sky and felt the intense warmth on her face. The sun had almost reached its highest point in the sky and the city was reflecting heat back out of its stone and concrete in the way that only Phoenix could. But the warmth and light didn't reach six feet underground to Edward's body. Nor did it reach into the cell where her mother awaited a trial that lay many months in the future. There was nothing for her here; there was no one. But that didn't mean she was alone in the world.

She thought of how Rossi had tried so hard to involve her in the case on her very first day, and how JJ had always been close by, ready to hold her hand or offer reassurance. She thought of how Morgan and Prentiss, who had once been so suspicious of her presence, had risked their lives to protect her from a sniper, and how Garcia had phoned several times a day for updates on her condition while she was in the hospital. She thought of Hotch, who was willing to give her a chance, despite knowing about all of her screw-ups. And of Spencer, who had not only put his life on the line alongside the others, but had spent the best part of two weeks waiting patiently for when she needed to talk.

"I can do that," she replied. "I'm ready."

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**A/N: If you've held on for the past four months (or if you've stumbled across this more recently), then thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to let me know what you think. :) **


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